Arkay’s Room #1: Round 1, 2013. Fight.

I’ve been fighting for some time now, and one thing i’ve learnt is that no matter how good things can get, there will be a time when it comes back for me. Through all this it has taught me a few things but most importantly, like all the other hurdles in my life, it’s made me stronger and made me aware of something:

“The toughest fights I’ve ever been in are with no one else but myself, because once i win that fight, everything else is only a matter of time.”

This week has been bittersweet, sweet because it’s been fun and there has been some improvement in productivity; bitter because while i wasn’t looking Round 1, 2013 (my first difficult spell with FMS this year) started, and i wasn’t as prepared as I would have liked to have been. I don’t know how i didn’t see this coming, i pushed myself harder than i should have over the first few days of the week and should have seen this coming when the my symptoms Spiked on Tuesday. How did i miss it? maybe i thought Tuesday was a one off thing, maybe i pulled a page out of the beginning of last year and ignored it, maybe i got arrogant and didn’t think it could hurt me this time. I think that’s the one, I got arrogant.

Arrogance cost me a lot a year ago, at least this time around i’m more aware and won’t let it get as far as it did then.

The pains, stiffness, aches & fatigue got mildly worse as the week proressed but yesterday… yesterday things escalated during the course of the day. The morning was ok but by evening my nerve sensitivity was quite high, a few of my trigger points were constantly hurting, my muscles were aching ,every step i took hurt and the Fog was looming. It was enough to release something that i have kept at bay for a very long time, the key to worst days of my fibromyalgia to date; Doubt. In pain, clouded and fatigued, it was Belief that kept me going, Belief in me.

Yesterday i found myself in a situation where my Doubt went straight for the jugular, it made my mind a mess. Started questions that didn’t need to be brought up, bringing out emotions that didn’t need to resurface and just causing a whole load of noise and static, it got messy. Belief is all that stands between where i am now and giving up entirely, and yesterday was only the beginning, it always is. It’s very difficult to keep the Belief going during times when I’m physically weakened by pain and fatigue with my mind being Clouded. I would find myself feeling all the confidence in the world one second and then have it all go to hell in a heartbeat and have it like that for 5 times the length of the confidence.

Round 1 is still on going and only i can win this for myself support is only support, it helps but only i can do what needs to be done, think what needs to be thought and Keep Moving Forward. I’m still in pain right now, a pat on the back hurts as thought someone slapped me there and my thoughts seem to be slower and get lost more often. Right now things seem a darker, my coffee doesn’t taste as good and I’m so very tired, i’m tired down to my bones, maybe even on a cellular level.

Sounds bad doesn’t it.

However there is a silver lining, before my revival last year things were a 100 times worse; there were days i didn’t want to get out of bed because the pains, aches, and stiffness; my FibroFog came to a point where my mind was so cluttered and clouded that thoughts would take a minute of two to surface; i wanted to give up entirely, but i didn’t.

The Doubt is strong now, that is true, and my Belief is currently shaken, but last years Big Win made it so that my Belief will not reach Round 1, 2012 lows again (i hope), and that is giving me the fuel i need to keep my Belief going as I brace this storm. That was one of the darkest & toughest times i’ve had to face and i beat it, and if i could beat that, i’ll beat this…

it’s just a matter of time.

Straight From The Heart



The Lack of Self-Belief and the Fear of Failure


Good morning people,

Again i know it’s been a while since i’ve posted and i apologize, i am working to make this a more regular thing.

Today I’m going to talk about Belief, not religious beliefs but Believing in yourself.

“Belief, strong belief, triggers the mind to figure out ways and means and how-to.”

The lack of self-belief is plaguing us.There are so many of us that are scared to exit our comfort zones, so afraid to leave it because you might fall or get scratched. All because society has tabooed mistakes & failure, (largely due to flawed fundamentals of education systems, but that’s for another day) making it seem that in order to be successful and live a good life, one cannot fail, one cannot make mistakes. This goes on to lead people into confining themselves to the “Known” so that they minimize the risk of failure. But what most people do not seem to understand is that we are human and we will make mistakes. Mistakes is the fundamental ingredient in success, progress and greatness.

Richard Branson. Steve Jobs. Thomas Edison.

What is life if you do not experiment and learn? Better yet, what would life be like if everyone confined themselves in their comfort zones? The human race would not be where it is now. BIll Gates and Steve Jobs would now have gone to form Microsoft and Apple. Henry Ford would not have mass manufactured the car. Slavery would still be a norm. Columbus would have never discovered the ‘New World’ and the list would go on. The conclusion being that we would have never progressed, that we would still be hunting animals and living in caves, if we would have even made it that far.

WD-40 stands for Water Displacement, 40th attempt, they failed the first 39 times.

Mistakes help us learn, failure makes us stronger, it weeds out the weak. The most successful amongst us are the ones who fail the most; the difference is that they didn’t let failure paralyze them into fear, they picked themselves up, dusted themselves off and kept going. These are the people who end up being great, the “Crazy Ones”. They aren’t afraid of falling in the mud, of entering new areas, they aren’t afraid to learn and push the boundaries of what they already know. The reason that they weren’t afraid is because they believed in themselves and what they were doing.

Persistence. Experimentation. Determination.

Self-belief is the most important factor in fighting fear of failure. People are afraid to make mistakes because they worry that they will not be able to overcome it. They do not believe that they can handle the potential curve ball that life has been known to throw. They do not believe that they will be able to pick themselves up after what could be a potentially bad fall. They lack the confidence to think that they can do it, and that’s the difference between achieving greatness and mediocrity. That’s the difference between winning and losing, and yea, you may not win all the time even though you believed in yourself but you’re not going to let the loss of one battle make you surrender the war.

“When looking at the most successful people and organizations, we often imagine geniuses with a smooth journey straight to the promised land. But when you really examine nearly every success story, they are filled with crushing defeats, near-death experiences, and countless setbacks.” – Josh Linkner, Fast Company.

Straight From the Heart,


Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Patience, Balance, Focus & Hard Work.