Communication Etiquette v Being Connected @CoffeaCoffeeMY

Good afternoon guys, It’s a Friday which means 2 things. The weekend is back and I’m at Coffea 🙂

I’ve been thinking and discussing quite a bit about Distractions after last weeks post and how it relates to communication and phones, how they can relate and react, and whether we always need to set the phone away in the presence of others.

Last Weeks Arkay’s Thoughts Distraction post was focused on focus, about the lack of focus and some of the factors involved and how to deal with it. It wasn’t specifically about communication issues regarding phones/gadgets etc and the development of Communication Etiquette.

So today, I’m going to follow up on Distractions and talk about Communication Etiquette v Being Connected.

Communication Etiuqette

This courtesy applies more to specific Active Human Interactions.
Having a one-on-one conversation with someone (ESPECIALLY)
1. Out for dinner with people
2. Participating in an Active Group session
3. When we are doing something with someone

Essentially, if we are participating in something, Actively Participating, we should give our full focus, attention and interest and not look at your phone every time is buzzes or beeps;

1. an important contact has messaged or called

Exclusions in a Group
1.We explicitly expressed that we are going to do our own thing
2. We are not presently Actively Engaged in conversation/activity
3. Once every 20/30 minutes or so.

The Lepak/Hanging Out Scenario

In this sort of situation it depends on the group, we know the people we hang out with, so we should know whether they are particular about this. Here are some of my views here.
1. It’s generally ok to use the phone/gadget, if we are just sitting around not doing anything; this is the Doing My Own Thing but with People Scenario
2. If a conversation is going on and we really have no interest or viewpoint, then go ahead and use the phone/gadget, this will also signal to the others that this doesn’t interest us as much and that we are possibly feeling left out
3. We don’t have to be Always On and participate in all conversation or activities, its ok to take a few minutes for ourselves and do our own thing.
4. Generally applies to when people get together for no particular purpose
a. University – We see each other almost everyday so there are times when we have nothing to say, but would rather just sit in the company of each other and do our own thing rather than go home
b. Home – with regards to people that often & regularly come over, we don’t have to engaged for every minute, if there are 4 people and 2 are playing FIFA, then either talk to the 3rd person (which would be the polite thing), but if the 3rd person is engrossed in watching the other 2 play FIFA, then by all means take out the phone/gadget and reply that message or plan tomorrow or read whatever it is you read on your phone so that you don’t waste that 10/15minutes. We’re not Actively Engaged.
c. Mamak/Lepak – in a situation where we meet friends/family outside, then we should really keep the phone away unless it’s important, we’ve come out to HangOut with each other, so do that, don’t go online and read Facebook or Twitter, we can do that at home. Don’t take Silence as the license to whip out the phone. Just don’t. Quiet doesn’t mean that it’s time to distract ourselves with other things. There was an INTENT to hangout with each other, so do that, whether it’s staring at each others faces or talking. The problem with taking out the phone at first ‘sight’ of Silence, is that it sigals to others that maybe we don’t want to talk, it shows disinterest, (remember there are exclusions), we know each other, so talk about something, or be in collective quiet, don’t Excuse yourself from the Present Moment by engaging with the phone/gadget.
Exclusions include:
1.Important Call/Message
2.Taking out phone to show people at the table something
3.Collectively engaging in an activity/game on the phone – you are still doing something together.


Now with regards to games, they should not be played when with others unless related to The Lepak Scenario Point #4.1 & #4.2. Don’t play that game on the phone unless you have already Explicitly stated that you would like to do your own thing or if everyone is in the mood to do their own thing, which means that there are no Active Elements in play.

I personally don’t like to compete for the attention of the people I am Actively Hanging Out with.


Now this point, similar Exclusions in a Group Point #3, is about how often we check our phones. If we really need to keep tabs on our phone notifications, especially in a one-on-one scenario, let’s attempt to keep it to every 20/30 minutes. The aim is to ensure minimal distraction from our gagdets whe in Active Scenarios.


it comes down to Intent, Purpose and Participation. Not all gathering are Active Social gatherings, some are just reasons to be in the presence of others as we do our own things. Let’s be aware of the these factors the next time we are in the presence of others. Remember we don’t want to distract focus from the matter at hand but that doesn’t mean that we always have to keep you phone away. I think the above points will help us preserve the quality of our Active Human Interaction in this Modern day and balance the need to be Connected.

Straight From The Heart



Reflections @coffeacoffeemy – Fibromyalgia Strikes Back


<br /
Good Morning people,

I’m back at Coffea Coffee with a Madonna Flat White next to me, which tastes better that yesterdays, not that it was bad yesterday but that today my perception of life is a little brighter.

It’s been a while since my last weekly review/reflection, hoping to get back to making this regular, but now on mondays instead of sundays.

Reflecting on the week, ended Sunday March 17th, there is much to be concerned about, but also much to be grateful for. As usual i am grateful for the family and friends that i have around me that support me when times get dark, as they did during the last few days of the week, and celebrate with me during the good times, my 23rd birthday.
Last week I had plenty of fun with friends old & new, going out for dinner, watching Armageddon (for the first time), playing FIFA and retaining the FIFA King Title, and also saw an increase in productivity; got back to reading, though i only managed 3 hours last week; blogged more, put up 3 posts & revamped my sites layout and categories; got started on a regular sleep pattern and woke up at 6am 3 times; and a few other things which i can seem to recall right now cause my fibrofog has gotten worse from the time i woke up, from a 3/10 to a 6/10 now. which brings me to the most important part of last week;

Fibromyalgia Strikes back, with a vengeance.
My post from yesterday:

I’ve been fighting for some time now, and one thing i’ve learnt is that no matter how good things can get, there will be a time when it comes back for me. Through all this it has taught me a few things but most importantly, like all the other hurdles in my life, it’s made me stronger and made me aware of something: “The toughest fights I’ve ever been in are with no one else but myself, because once i win that fight, everything else is only a matter of time.” This week has been bittersweet, sweet because it’s been fun and there has been some improvement in productivity; bitter because while i wasn’t looking Round 1, 2013 (my first difficult spell with FMS this year) started, and i wasn’t as prepared as I would have liked to have been. I don’t know how i didn’t see this coming, i pushed myself harder than i should have over the first few days of the week and should have seen this coming when the my symptoms Spiked on Tuesday. How did i miss it? maybe i thought Tuesday was a one off thing, maybe i pulled a page out of the beginning of last year and ignored it, maybe i got arrogant and didn’t think it could hurt me this time. I think that’s the one, I got arrogant. Arrogance cost me a lot a year ago, at least this time around i’m more aware and won’t let it get as far as it did then. The pains, stiffness, aches & fatigue got mildly worse as the week proressed but yesterday… yesterday things escalated click here to continue reading

(Sidenote: Please click o the passage above to add the view count to yesterdays post. thanks)

This is sums up the end of last week, and the main point of today’s reflection. I’ve been fending of minor Fibromyalgia attacks from the beginning of the year without much problem, but last week saw the resurfacing of something that i didn’t want to see again, something i didn’t want to deal with again, but something i will have to fight again and beat again. Last year, Round 1 2012, was a fight over 3/4 months, and like i mentioned above was the toughest fight with it i’ve had over the last 3/4 years. I beat it last year, i’ll beat it again, it’s just a matter of time. I’ll need to adjust to the new battle ground and being back at uni, but i’ll get it done.

Straight From The Heart


My A-Team


Have you ever wondered whether the friends you have now will always be your friends. It so often happens that we consider friends that we’ve known for a couple of months to be “best friends”, “brothers” or “sisters” but really will it last? Well I think about it every so often cause there are people that I considered family to me but 2-3 years later, well it just doesn’t feel the same and that’s probably due to the distance. My parents told me that I’ll meet my friends-for-life (FFL) in uni, but I think may be that’s not entirely true anymore. Sure if you study in the same country but Now it’s so common for friends to leave the country after pre-u so that adds a new complication in the equation. it’s not the same now, we live in a “flat world” where we have friends and contacts all over the place, but I still believe that you need the actually physical contact at the foundation of a friendship to really be FFLs. Which brings me to my A-Team.

A crack commando unit that was separate by across the globe in efforts to get to the next level. They get together up to twice a year to rain terror on the pitches of FIFA and the maps of Halo in the PJ underground. Today, still chasing their education, they survive via Skype and Whatsapp. If any member has a problem, no matter rain or shine, as long as their phones are on ;), they will always have… The A-Team.

haha. It’s a first attempt, inspired by Vishal’s version, tell me what you think.

Anyway, this post is dedicated to these three gents, that probably know me the best on this planet. They’ve been in my life for the most part and they are more family to me than friends. Since we’ve had to go our separate ways it’s hasn’t been easy to keep in touch but once the we’re all together again it’s just like old times, as though P. Diddy told us to Pressed Play. I know they will always have my back and although they have their “driving me up the freaking wall” moments, I love em and I miss em.

I miss Vishal’s looniness.
I miss/missed Sidd’s bullshit.
I miss PG’s wit.
Among order things la.

This post doesn’t begin to scrape the surface of our brotherhood, ok maybe It does scrape the surface, and to link this with the first part of the post, I know you guys are definitely Friends For Life, I’d bet Giselle on it.

Signing off,
Col. John Hannibal Smith.