Good Morning Dear readers 🙂
Thank you for joining on this Monday morning. I wish you the best of luck for the work week. Todays blog title is something I picked up from Robin Sharma.
So last week I had a great conversation with a few of my friends, put that together with what
I’ve been observing about people and the books I’ve been reading, and you know what I realised?
So few of us truly listen to the person that is talking to us. We are more interested in Advising, correcting and giving our own opinion than actually listening to what the person on the opposite side of the table is telling us. Communication between people is not only restricted to what the person is saying through his/her words but also via their body language, their intonation and eyes. So many of us ‘word hear’ and not truly listen to the depth of what’s being spoken.
Last week during the great conversation with my friends, I looked into their eyes and was taken in by the depth of emotion that I saw, the meaning and the pain, the joy and the happiness. The eyes are just so expressive as someone is talking. So the next time you are talking to someone, look them in the eyes, yes you can still hear them and know what their words mean even as you look at your phone but you won’t realise the depth and meaning that lies behind the words… That you not only hear through the words but they way the words are put together, the intonation of the words and most importantly, the body language as the person speaks and the emotions of the eyes.
They eyes are truly the mirror to the soul.
So many of us want to talk, we want to be heard, but when everyone acts like this, you know what happens? No one listens which means that no one is heard, and that means that all we’re essentially doing is adding to the noise. When someone is talking to you, listen to them, don’t think about your reply, don’t judge. I’m not saying that I’m guilt free, but I’ve making an effort, for sometime now, not consistent yes, but definitely a solid effort, and over the years I’ve been told by some friends that I’m a good listener, and you know what, it makes me feel happy, I’m proud of that, I’m happy that my friends feel comfortable talking to me. And when I need someone to vent to or talk to, they just sit and listen as I rant. Thank you guys. Thank you so much.
Now about venting, when someone is venting, please don’t interrupt, they’re not in the mood to be advised, they just want to get some stuff of their chest. By advising you are indirectly telling them to shut up, that they are wrong, and maybe what they did was wrong, but as my dad says, “time and place.” wait for them to calm down, so that they are in a less defensive stance before you ask them to think about what they just said. Let them vent, let them cool off, you just listen, really listen. Try to identify the real problem behind the venting, but wait until after they are really done before you talk to them, not advise them or critique them or correct them, talk to them. Heart to heart, and if they get defensive and reactive and fight back, don’t do the same, keep calm… Because the minute you react to the reaction, it’s game over. Don’t be like a can of coke when shaken, be like water…. No matter how shaken, it doesn’t fizz over.
Be a bottle of water, not a can of coke. – Sean Covey
Time and Place.
People are sensitive, we don’t like being judged, criticised or being told that we’re wrong, especially in a harsh manner, there is a way to help someone, and it doesn’t start with being judgemental and reactive, always stay calm. When someone reacts badly to something you have said, take a step back, (i know this doesn’t sounds easy, trust me I know, but please try as practice will help you establish this as a habit) and think about why he/she reacted that way, don’t get angry, don’t get frustrated…be calm, be patient and ask, why are they reacting in such a manner, maybe they’re tired or stressed, give them some time, they’ll appreciate it. I mean, that is what I would appreciate, and I think this applies to many other people out there. When someone gets angry, take a step back, push pause and try to get to the real problem, don’t pry, don’t pressure, just be there for the person, they’ll eventually open up. It’s my personal policy never to pressure anyone to tell me something, they’ll tell me when they are ready and until then, I’ll be there for them in whatever capacity they want, as much as I can.
When I ask you to listen to me And you start giving me advice, You have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me ‘why’ I shouldn’t feel that way, You are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problems,
You have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that you listen; Not talk, nor do – just hear me.
And I can do for myself – I’m not helpless
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me, that I can and need to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and weakness.
But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, No matter how irrational
Then I quit trying to convince you
And can get about the business of understanding
What’s behind this irrational feeling.
When that’s clear,
The answers are obvious and I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we Understand what’s behind them.
Perhaps that’s why prayer works sometimes for some people;
because God is mute, and doesn’t give
advice to try to ‘fix’ things,
He/She just listens, and lets you work it out for yourself.
So please listen, and just hear me, and if you want to talk,
Wait a minute for your turn,
And I’ll listen to you.
So remember guys, listen, really listen to the people in you life. It won’t be easy, but it’ll get easier each day and eventfully we’ll achieve amazing communication. There’s more to listening than just hearing. A lot of problems could be solved and avoided, especially those between men and women in relationships 🙂
Seek First to understand, then to be understood. – Stephen Covey
Have a great day guys,
I hope that I didn’t step on anyone’s toes with this piece, if I did, I’m really sorry.
Straight From The Heart,
Keep Moving Foward
3 thoughts on “Look Through the Eyes of Understanding”
Best posting ever, i am going to share with some of my colleaques , good one,
Btw don’t be fret to get hurt , that’s a consistent thing in a relationship , but makes you stronger , makes the realtationship stronger and makes it more meaningful, no realtionship is without a storm or two. Cheers buddy
Agree with Kanesan. I really like this. All of us really need to learn to listen actively. Believe me it takes alot of practice. I like the bit about reading into the eyes. When I was in India I asked a colleague how someone reacted to an announcement. She said, ” his smile did not reach his eyes.”