So, i haven’t written in a while… actually that’s a little of an understatement, it’s been just under 2 months. How on earth did i go 2 months without writing? Could that have been a contributory factor to the messiness and disorder of the last 7/8 week? I think yes.
Good Afternoon dear readers,
This is my 3rd Flat White at the PJ Artisan, and i’m really liking this place. Close to home, quiet, great coffee… so Artisan on the weekdays and Coffea on the weekends?
Anyway, i’ve finally reemerged from a 7 week period of Fibro-Infused Disordered Mess, with 3 exams in between. I’m actually not sure what’s being going on over the last 7 weeks, i know i’ve been busy, but it’s all quite a blur. After my last piece i started waking up late again, thanks Fibro, and that just threw everything out of sync and then began the mess & disorder, followed by Exam Month, and now i’m here… 2 weeks post-exam, finally getting to the keyboard. Yesterday i tried to get some writing done, but the only writing i did was yesterdays Little Yellow Note with the quote from Robin Sharma, “This day is your life in miniature. Make it Brilliant.”
Talk about timing. I was in no way living my ideal days, not by a long shot.
There was no balance, no sense of purpose, no clarity.
There was nothing really to wake up to in the mornings.
The days were a blur, living life like a leaf in the wind.
Yes I had exams, and yes i’ve also been having fun and socialising, but a vital component to my life was missing, that very important part of me that helped me keep my balance.
My writing, My thoughts…
Finally, I’m feeling clear again, maybe it’s the coffee, maybe the fibro is easing off, but whatever it is, I have enough of it back.
Just thinking about it, in my life there are two sides.
The Light Side of the Force – my Clarity.
With this comes hope & belief based upon seemingly realisable goals and potential solutions that have come around simply because I can think without it being a struggle and fight. I’m able to look at a wider and larger picture, able to live life keeping in mind more than one step ahead.
The Dark Side of the Force – my Fibro.
With this comes fear, anger, hate & doubt (George Lucas was a genius, seriously). The Fibro brings about the Fog that clouds my mind, bring about pain and sensitivity that leads to anger, hate and bitterness and of course fatigue which bring about Fear, fear of being trapped indefinitely and at random by Body and/or Mind.
My life now is all about keeping the Dark Side in check, which i failed to do adequately (duh) over the last 7 weeks. These are the cards i’ve been dealt and i have to keep that in mind and all times, something that can be very depressing at times, to always remind yourself of your limitations, this is when it is so important for my Clarity to kick-in and remind me of the things that i have going for me and to focus on those. To focus on my great family that keeps me going, on my talents that supply me with a sense of clarity and purpose and my material life that allows to live a comfortable life and enjoy some material pleasures, like my coffee and my gadgets. It takes all three of these to offset the incredibly bankrupt state of my health.
These are the cards i’ve been dealt, and until i have access to the dealer and the pack, i’m just going to have to do what i can and make sure that the average progression is upward (line of best fit with regards to progress of life).
So my main prerogative in life, for now at least, is about keeping Fibro at bay by primarily safeguarding my Clarity.
That’s all for now. I’d say not too bad of a reboot, certainly not a Man Of Steel reboot, but it’ll do.
Here’s to my next instalment of my Notes On Life Series, coming soon, hopefully :/.
Straight From The Heart
Roshan “Arkay” Kanesan