Life isn’t always Smooth Sailing.


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Good Afternoon guys,
I’m back at Coffea Coffee here in Bangsar, enjoying my Flat White as i write this.

I really enjoyed writing my last piece; Closer to Home: The Fight for Malaysia’s Soul. I will definitely follow up on it, but not today as today is Friday which means an addition to my Notes on Life series is due. My next addition to my Closer to Home series should be out next Wednesday 4pm.

Notes On Life is a series that revolves around my thoughts, readings and personal experiences on matters relating to Life Lessons, Personal Development & Self-Help.

Life isn’t always Smooth Sailing; we’ve got to Fight to Live.

This is something that all of us have learnt firsthand;

Life. Isn’t. Fair.

But what I’ve also learnt is that there’s a reason to that. It shows us whether we’re a Fighter or a Quitter.

Victimhood

Of all the attitudes that humans experience, I despise Victimhood.

Why?

Because I know what it’s like to Play Victim, to feel sorry for myself, to swim in self-pity…

to absolve myself from all blame for the challenges and difficulties of life.

I lived life as a Victim for sometime last year, if you could even call that living, It was really more like just existing and watching life go by.

I hated the person I was then, so much so that I couldn’t even stand to see myself in the mirror and see what I had become, but I realize now that I had to go through it.

Seems like such a long time ago but really it just a little over a year ago.

When times were really dark and I wanted to give up, when waking up was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, a time when my mind was so clouded that most thoughts didn’t make it out and I got confused and disoriented easily, a time when pain and fatigue was my reality, everyday.

A time, I’m ashamed to say, where there seemed to be no escape from mental and physical fatigue, the pain and the Fog, and I thought about just Giving Up…

I was feeling sorry for myself, I was being a Victim, and I hated myself for it.

Revival

But now I see that I needed to hit that low, to set a benchmark for the rest of my life. In that Fight to pick myself up and climb out of the deep dark hole I called home for a while I revealed to myself the strength in me. First it was small wins, which grew, and each win grew my Self-Belief and made me stronger, not physically, but mentally.

If I continued living in Victimhood, nothing would have changed…

“He did not know how long it took, but later he looked back on this time of crying in the corner of the dark cave and thought of it as when he learned the most important rule of survival, which was that feeling sorry for yourself didn’t work. It wasn’t just that it was wrong to do, or that it was considered incorrect. It was more than that–it didn’t work.”
― Gary Paulsen, Hatchet

It was difficult at first to get out of that habit of Victimhood because honestly, it was quite addictive, I wasn’t living in reality and didn’t deal with any of my problems and challenges…
for as long as i stayed in that pit, life was… easy… in my mind I wasn’t accountable for anything, because everything was life’s fault…

“Self pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”
― John Gardner

With the great support system, family, friends, doctors and a great book, “The Magic of Thinking Big” by David Schwartz, I climbed out of that pit of negativity, picked myself up and got back to living.

Life is still hard to me health wise, but I deal with it.

And there are some days, when things get really hard, when I indulge in a little self-pity, just to take a break from reality and acknowledge, deal with and release certain feelings and emotions that are weighing me down.

See the really problem isn’t feeling sorry for us; the problem arises when we enter that zone… and get hooked. This is the problem because after sometime the negative emotions become our norm and we then become Victims.

The People that blame everyone, and anyone, for their problems.

The People who refuse to face Life.

The People who stand on the sidelines and watch as life flies by, because they’re too afraid of getting hurt again, or failing again…

“I let myself feel good and sorry for myself, but only for a second. Daddy always said that the most useless of all human emotions was self-pity.”
― Gabrielle Zevin, All These Things I’ve Done

 

Why tell you all of this?

To make you feel sorry or bad for me? Well I don’t so neither should you.

I just wanted to illustrate that no matter how bad life looks sometimes, there’s a lesson to be learnt and a benefit to be gained, and we have the strength within us to Fight, it’s really about how much you Believe in Yourself.

Yes life can get tiring, so take a break, refuel, but don’t forget to get back to living.

Remember, We are our own worst enemy.

 

Today

I’m still fighting the good fight, the daily fight, the Fight to Live. And no matter how bad things have gotten over the last year, nothing compares to what I overcame at the beginning at 2012, and if I could beat that, I can take on whatever else life has to throw at me.

I just need to remember to pace myself.

One day at a time.

One Inch at a time.

Yes, I have long-term plans and goals but I take it a day at a time;

I’m a strong believer that Small Daily Improvements will Lead to Stunning Results,

I’m a strong believer in Making Today Better than Yesterday,

I’m a strong believer that there is a Time and Place for all things.

Life now is much better than it was a year ago. My writing has gotten better, my studies are better, my moods are better and my health and energy levels are, on average, much better.

And to aptly conclude today’s Note, here’s Sinatra’s That’s Life.

Straight From the Heart,

Roshan ‘Arkay’ Kanesan

That’s life, that’s what people say.
You’re riding high in April,
Shot down in May.
But I know I’m gonna change their tune,
When I’m right back on top in June.

That’s life, funny as it seems.
Some people get their kicks,
Steppin’ on dreams
But I just can’t let it get me down,
Cause this big old world keeps spinnin’ around.

I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I’ve been up and down and over and out
But I know one thing:
Each time I find myself flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.

That’s life, I can’t deny it,
I thought of quitting,
But my heart just won’t buy it.
Cause if I didn’t think it was worth a try,
I’d have to roll myself up in a big ball and die.

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Saturday “Should Have Been Morning” Reflections


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Good evening everyone,

How’s everyone doing? Today has been really good. I’m in PD right now with some great friends, it’s been great so far 🙂 the drive down was great, I had really fun time driving down. Had some great food at this place in Seremban. The pics should be on Twitter.

So as for reflections, this week has been better, Monday to Wednesday was awesome, Thursday not so awesome and Friday and today have been great. Been getting back to my “good routines”, expect for the swimming in the mornings. Life is looking good, I’ve learnt to let go of things that I can’t control, I’ll do my best and leave the rest to life. That’s all that I can do. All you can do in life is your best. This somehow reminds me of this line

The price of discipline is always better than the pain of regret.

Keep that in mind, it is a very powerful thought.

This week has been filled with the right steps going forward, yes it wasn’t perfect, but the good definitely outweighed the bad. One of my most precious friendships, that was in some trouble, has turned around and it is looking really good. My good friend graduated from Pre-U. I got back to work. Ivy is on the way (3 weeks).

Looking back, I’ve learnt more about friendship, it’s not always easy, and it takes two to tango. There are always two sides to a story. Respect the people around you the same you would want people to respect you. Don’t dish out what you can’t handle and there are things in life that matter and others that don’t. Make sure you know the difference. Please pardon my language but there are things in life that you just got to look and say, “Fuggitt”. You know who and what’s important to you, and that’s all that matters.

Straight From The Heart

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