Good Morning everyone! Today is feeling like a good day, feeling a little tired, but nothing that will trouble me much, woke up without pain and I woke up at 7am. Didn’t go for a swim, that’s the aim for tomorrow. 🙂 feeling pretty damn good this fine morning, looking forward to work at 10, am at Starbucks with my temporary companion Soy Café Mocha.

So I think I can say that I’ve made it out of the Storm, it was a trying two weeks but I made it, and I’m back on track to bring back on track. Haha. Thank you to everyone who supported me and helped me brace the storm and get out of it and I’m sorry to the people I hurt while bracing myself.

Onward to today’s piece.

I am a strong believer than the most important person in one’s life, is oneself. Why? Because if I can’t take care of myself, how can I take care of others? How I can i lead when I can’t even lead myself? How can I help others I care about if I can’t help myself?

I’m not saying don’t care about others, I’m saying that remember that you are equally, if not more, important than the people who love and care for. So make sure you do justice to your life before worrying about others. Now, please don’t take this as my blessing to go become a self obsessed, egomaniac whose entire world revolves around oneself. Just make sure you take are of yourself before you got out of your way to help others. That may work for a while, but in the long run it’s not sustainable and it’s not the way to live your life.

I’m the type of person who cares very much about my family and friends, I empathise withheld they go through, I try my best to really listen to them and I’m there for them to the best of my ability. I can confidently say that I’m a great friend 90% of the time, and if you can find someone from my inner circle who will say otherwise, I will retract that statement. I care very much for my family and friends, and most of them reciprocate, but there are some who I feel take me for granted and this would affect me and stress me, that is until yesterday when a very wise man said to me, “why are you being so stupid? Why let it affect you?”. And that’s when it hit me… I was being stupid, why was I putting so much effort into something what was mostly one way?

“I use to care, now I don’t.” – A Wise Friend

There’s only so much we can do, and once we’ve done our best, all we can do is watch.

“Let one live their life & learn from their mistakes. What we should worry about is making sure, we as a person, keeps on the right track.” – Another Wise Friend

Care for people as much as they care for you, care more if you want but as long as it isn’t counter-productive to you.There are plenty of people in my life who deserve my love and care, and for those who haven’t been doing their part, don’t expect me to call. I’ve had enough.

Straight From The Heart

Good evening guys, I apologise for the tardiness of last weeks reflection.

Looking back at the previous week, reflecting, It could have been better. It wasn’t a very good week. The fibromyalgia was kicking my ass and there were times I felt like I was going insane. Times i thought that i was going to end up the same before. Reminds me of the article I wrote, iClouded.

I’m upset that I didn’t blog as much. I’m disappointed that i didn’t wake up early everyday, followed by a swim. I’m let myself down by not going to work. And most of all, I’m heartbroken for the way I reacted on Thursday with regards to my sister and brother, especially my sister. I am so sorry for the way I acted towards her, she didn’t know what I was going through.

“It’s not what happens to you in life, it’s what you do about it.” W. Mitchell

“whether I fail or succeed that’ll be no man doing but my own. I am the Force.i can clear any obstacle before me or I can get lost in the maze. My choice. My responsibility; win or lose only I hold the key to my destiny.” Elaine Maxwell

It may not have been much of a productive week, as the weeks before, but on the plus side, I did get some good rest and realised that it took 6 weeks for the Storm to kick-in instead of 2. And I have been feeling better over the past 2 days. Should be back in action tomorrow. I did get some reading done. Also, I did have some great fun. Attended the Starbucks Summer Party which was awesome, went to the BSKL British Summer Fair with my friends yesterday and it turned out to be a pretty fun afternoon/evening.

I guess I just needed a break, there was a point I guess when I should have eased off the ‘gas’ a little, maybe I could’ve extended my run to 7/8 weeks, but that’s the next goal. I had a misstep last week, a little stumble, a speed bump, now it’s time to learn from it, pick up whatever I can no Keep Moving Forward. So I guess I’m happy about the previous week, reminded me of humanity, that life, progress and success isn’t a straight full-throttle shot to the top, it’s like climbing up mountains, step at a time, trying not to make mistakes but leanings from them when they do occur. And following on from this, this is why we need to reflect, to ensure that all the hard work we do and sacrifices we make are worth it, that after toiling and climbing, shedding blood, sweat and tears, that we make sure that we are in line with our goals and that we are climbing the right mountain.

“you can’t get to the top of Everest by jumping up the mountain. You get to the mountaintop by taking incremental steps. Steep by step you get to your goal.” Robin Sharma

That’s why we should reflect, because we all want our work and effort to not be in vain. We want to reach our goals and not take a wrong turn along the way, or if we do take a wrong turn to correct out path and get back on track. That’s why we reflect. That’s why we set up a A Room of One’s Own, that why we set aside to think. To not only brainstorm and come up with amazing ideas, but to make sure that after all the bullshit and detours, that we reach the summit of the certain mountain, that you enjoy the moment and not be in disappointment and regret.

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. ~Peter F. Drucker

Straight From The Heart

Good afternoon readers,

I hope you don’t mind that I’m diverging from the usual mo of blogging in the mo, but it should only be today, but not diverging too much, I’m enjoying my Café Mocha at this new Starbucks. The Café Mocha is ok, but not as good as the one I had at the Centrepoint branch.

On to today’s piece,

Before the last few days I’d been enjoying much progress and smooth sailing. There wasn’t much of the slowness, or the brain fog, or the tiredness or the muscle aches… But I knew they would return, it was only a matter of time. It usually took 2 weeks before these symptoms came back with a bang, but this time around I enjoyed 6 weeks of bliss. 6 great weeks of progress, and smooth sailing. And I’m happy for it. Yes I’m in The Storm now, but I just have to hold on and get through it. Just need to brace myself and not let the pain and tiredness take control. Unlike the time before my spirit has been reignited and I’m willing to fight. Before I would have 2 good weeks and then get hit by The Storm and would give in to it. But not this time.

Yes I’m tired, yes I’m waking up in pain, yes my brain feels clouded and slow, but I’ll fight this time. Life is never going to be all smooth sailings, there will be times you need to brace for impact and other times when times couldn’t be any better. Enjoy it all, learn from it all, experience it all. For it is all part of life.

Yea it’s not easy, but then again all things that are worth it aren’t easy to get, are they? I’d rather die trying to get out of this storm than resign myself to living with it and let it limit me. No. Not again. Never again. I will continue to live or die trying.

So now, I will continue to wake u as early as I can, sleep at a regular time, swim the mornings I don’t feel too tired and keep writing, because this writing helps me and thank you for reading. Hopefully within this week I’ll be able to tell all of you that i made it out of this Storm and will embark on the next part of progress.

One step at a time.

I’ll Keep Moving Forward.

Straight From The Heart

Good Morning everyone, I really hope you’re having a better morning than me.

I’m not feeling too great today, actually feeling really tired and my mind feels all clouded and cluttered. Could only swim for 8 minutes this morning and getting out of bed at 7 was so hard even though I went to bed before 10 last night.

I’ve been feeling more tired this week, and today is the worst. Feels like one of my normal days during early this year. Tired, in pain, fatigued, clouded. I couldn’t make it to work today. I feel slow, feel like crap, the world has lost a little of it’s colour, but only a little. I’ll bounce back from this soon 🙂

I’ve actually been expecting the for some time, this is the sort of cycle i’ve been going through for the last 2-3 years, but usually it would be a max of 2 good weeks and then I would enter this sort of slump, but this time it took 6 weeks! Which is a great improvement. I could look at this and say, “oh no, why has this got to happen, why do I even try?”, but I won’t. This tired phase will last a couple of days, just my body’s way of asking for a break, plus some of my supplements have finished, so that could be contributing to this.

But anyway, yes I feel like crap, yes my body hurts and yes my heads feels clogged, but the last 6 weeks have been worth it. If I keep this up, maybe the next time will be an 8 week run before the slump kicks in. but whatever it is, I’ve made progress and will continue to make progress. Just need to get through this little slump and get on the next wave. I know I can, I will.

I’m sorry if the post seems a little messy, that how my mind feels right now. But this won’t last long, it won’t stop be Revival. This is just a little speed bump. Just need to get some good rest, wait for my new batch of supplements to come in and in the mean time, I’ll continue to try my best to get up by 7 and go to bed by 10. I hope I can go to work tomorrow.

Of course when you’re on the right path, there are going to be hard times, difficult times, speed bumps, but don’t let that ,stop you. I’m not. Because its not how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. Courtesy of Rocky. Don’t give in. Don’t give up.

And I’m going to Keep Moving Forward

Anyway, that’s all for today folks.
Sorry if this weeks writing has disappointed.

Straight From The Heart

Arkay6

Good Morning everyone and a happy Sunday to you! Please enjoy this day, spend time with the family, have some fun and chillax. Unless you’re like me and work Sundays 🙂

A couple days back, I was talking to a friend about hurt. And that got me thinking.

So yea, in life we’re going to get hurt. It’s part and parcel of growing up and living life, and yes it sucks.

No one looks forward to getting hurt, I know. I’ve been physically broken, mentally broken and spiritually broken ever since mid 2009 and along the way, got my heart broken a couple of times… or more. If you’re a regular reader you’ll know that the last few years have been tough and that the last 5/6 weeks have been a Second Coming. Recovering from hurt isn’t easy, not at all, it takes a lot of work, determination and self-belief, and also having people that have your back doesn’t hurt. During the time before my Second Coming, as mentioned above, I was hurt in many ways. I was confused, i was clouded, i thought I had wasted all my potential, I was using them as excuses as to why I couldn’t do things or why I failed or why I shouldn’t try something. I was scared. Fear invaded and took control. I was so damn scared because no one wants to get hurt again.I didn’t know what the definition of happiness was to me.

My health wasn’t great, I stopped believing in myself and my heart had been scarred many times along the way, it was scary to see a doctor because I was afraid they would tell me that something else was wrong, I was scared to believe in myself because I was afraid I would fail again and I was afraid get back into the Game because I had been hurt so many times and didn’t want to experience the sight of the girl I liked walking away with someone else. So you know what, I stopped really trying… Sure I tried a couple of times last year to get out of this funk but every time things got sour I relapsed back behind the shield I built.

I did that for a while a long time, until 6 weeks ago when I went back to India and it seemed like India had decided to give me back the part of me it took back in 2009/2010. It was then that I woke up and saw the life I was living, or the life I wasn’t living. I wasn’t really living life. I was in a coma, sleep-walking thought life, letting it act on me instead of me acting on life…. I stopped putting living in my days…. I was basically as good as dead. I didn’t want to venture, I didn’t want to experience, i didnt want to make mistakes, I didn’t want to love, I didn’t want to learn, I didn’t want to believe in me, all because I was afraid. Why was I afraid, because I got hurting instead of being strong and facing it, I decided to hide.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m still scared, but now I’m willing to try, willing to live, willing to learn and willing to love because I know that no matter what happens, I’ll eventfully get through it. The most important lesson I learnt over the past few years is that the only thing between me and getting what I want… is me. The last 6 weeks have been great, I’ve discovered my niche, I’ve learned, I’ve made more relationships, I’ve strengthen old relationships, I’m happy again, and no, it hasn’t been perfect but it feels damn good to be alive. A rekindled spirit.

And yea, I’ll get back into the Game, and yes i’m scared. The memories and emotions of my previous ventures are still very much with me, but I guess i’ll try and learn from them instead of letting them stop me… And you know what, maybe the new-old me will find success in the Game this year, who knows, I certainly don’t… But you know what I do know…. That I will definitely be trying. Because the more I face my fear, the more power I will gain from it.

So please, take it from me, I know I haven’t lived and learned all that much, but please keep moving forward and take small steps daily, because over time these small steps will lead to results. you got to move on in order to live.

“The fears we resist will persist, what we befriend we will transcend.” Robin Sharma

So guys, have a great Sunday, take some time to think about life, what needs to be addressed and how can heal the hurt and move one. It won’t be instant, it won’t be easy but it’ll be worth it.

Straight from the Heart,

Arkay6

Keep Moving Forward

The issue that has been using most of my brain power lately is whether i should take a break from university to focus and deal with the FM and CFS, Monash calls it an Intermission. There are days that i think i should and others where i feel that i can deal with the FM and CFS while going on with classes like  I did last semester.

Last semester I come out successful but since then things have changed, the FM has gotten worse and another thought, next semester will be harder. I found it hard to deal with my summer unit and had to drop out, and even dropping out of that has been giving me headaches and has been getting me anxious. On a side note, I took the summer unit optionally as a method of being productive during my break instead of just chilling with my friends and family, and instead of learning more about Financial Accounting, I learned that FM can be quite disruptive to say the least. After my previous exams my FM started getting worse so much so that I couldn’t focus during my summer classes (i sat and stared, i couldn’t absorb anything), waking up got harder, the fatigue, brain fog and muscle aches got worse, my moods made me seem bipolar and I just couldn’t handle the stress of knowing that I was bound to fail, I couldn’t do it… the only positive and most important point that came out from the summer unit is that I finally accepted that the FM needed to be dealt with and that I needed to bring my parents in 100%, before this I didn’t really let on how bad times would get. I guess i thought that if I ignored it, it didn’t exist… I guess i thought wrong.

Now, we are in the process of dealing with it, not me but we. I should have realized along time ago that I wasn’t alone in this, but why did it take me so long to admit that I needed help? A combination of my Ego mixed in with the fact that I’m used to doing things alone with a hint of “didn’t want to bother everyone else with my problems”.

So now, to the point. Should I take a break or not? How do i make a decision when my position on this matter changes day-to-day, (further elaborated in A Tale of Two Minds http://arkay6.com/2012/02/05/a-tale-of-two-minds/ ).

Why shouldn’t I take a break? Well first of all because I’m am so far behind, in terms of education, the people i graduated secondary school with, so much so that most of my new friends are about 2 years younger than me. Do I really want to be left back some more? Still be in university when friends my age start working?

But then again, I don’t want a repeat episode of Summer School Dec 2011 where I drop out because I haven’t dealt with the underlying issues and waste more of my father’s money which he works so hard for. I’m scared. Scared that I will let down my parents,  I’m scared that I will let myself down again…that I will fail next semester due to factors out of my control which will only further waste away confidence when I’m already using out my reserves. I don’t know how I would take it if I failed next semester, but I highly doubt that it will be good… as it is my moods are more bad than good, more depressed than happy, more cloudy than clear…

I guess…. i guess that I will have to see whether  have more good days than bad days in the next 2 weeks… and make a decision by my birthday… my birthday… what a depressing thought, 22 years old and still in my first year of university. It’s just so… so… upsetting… but before I go off on a tangent let me just finished this post up. based on what i just wrote it would seem a better option to take a break a deal with this goddamn FM and CFS and know how much of it I can cure and how much of it I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

But making this decision is so scary… what if I take a break and suddenly in less than a month im feeling better? what then? Would that mean that i just wasted another semester? It’s times like these… when i think about my future that i get depressed… that things get darker… that things just seem a little more hopeless…

It makes me think… is there a “correct” choice in this situation, or am I screwed either way?