Coffee For One Part 2


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Coffee For One please ūüėČ

Saturday 14/9/13

What’s crack-a-lacking¬†guys?

I’m back here at #ArtisanHQ having a great Piccolo having some #QuietTime. I realize that i’ve been spending a lot more time alone this year, and i actually like it. I like being alone because more than just learning more about myself, during these times life is quiet.There’s no noise, no complications, no mess.

In isolation things are clean and simple.

I don’t feel like my mind is being suffocated.

I don’t feel distracted.

I don’t feel like my thoughts are being drowned out by the mess that surrounds me.

I don’t feel like people are demanding too much out of me.

This is quite the 180 degree change because I used to be the type of person that always needed to have people around me. A person whose happiness depended on the availability of other people. A person who wasn’t comfortable being alone with himself. Well, not as much anymore. This year i’ve learnt to appreciate the brilliance and incredible benefit that comes with spending time alone on the regular.

It’s in this Quiet that I feel at Peace.

Peace from Life,
and the it’s complications and mess.

Peace from Society,
and the noise of too many voices.

Peace from Fibro,
and the daily struggle to live.

It’s during these times spent alone that life seems to be in… Harmony, even if just for an hour, it makes such a big difference to me. Having my quiet time at Artisan or Flat White provides me the incredibly vital time to stabilise and ground myself. A time of “maintenance”, a time which helps me clarify and process the hundreds of stimuli and factors that surround me daily.

I guess i just want people to understand that coming to Artisan or Flat White (or Coffea) isn’t just about the coffee, the coffee is great, but more importantly, it’s a place in which i’m protected and sheltered from the outside world

The world is a messy place, and even more of a mess when you have Fibromyalgia. Constant pain, sensitive nerves (to stimuli like lights and sounds too) and almost always so tired… combined that with a brain that doesn’t work as efficiently as it should and i’ve got a situation in which i’m unable to process all these details appropriately so it all just ends up as a mess in my mind.

So it gets very very difficult to have to deal with the normal suff in life…. the regular things like academic pressures, getting stuff done traffic and especially dealing with people… i.e. family and friends. (I love them to bits but sometimes it gets very hard for me to deal with the mess that comes naturally)

Think of it as a highly popular airport where the Tower isn’t responding well (probably because of bad maintenance hence major system failures) to the demands of the hundreds of inbound & outbound flights. What would happen then?
Things would be messed up as ****.

Planes wouldn’t be able to take off causing inbound planes to keep circling over head because they can’t land, leading an incredible mess of planes on the runway and in the skies = problem… Someone’s got to come in and cancel all outbound flights, instruct planes that can, to fly to other airports and then manage what’s left. This scenario would probably describe a Level 6/7 day for me. So what is a Level 9/10? The same situation but this time at near 0 visibility with a major storm. #fun

So, back to my point, coming to my favourite coffee place to enjoy a good coffee with appropriate music in solitude is when i run maintenance on myself and clear out some of the mess within so that i don’t reach a Level 10 meltdown. I’ve realized that my major Meltdowns come during periods where i don’t do any writing = i haven’t been spending time alone. I find that with my regular QuietTimes, i’m doing less frantic running around to put out fires and get more things done because my head is much clearer in comparison to other times without “maintenance”.

I would just like to say that i’m not saying i want to be a Nomad and live on my own and not deal with people, but i’ll probably be spending more time alone just to protect myself, i find it one of the best ways to deal with fibro and keep myself sane in all this mess that i deal with on a daily basis.

Powered by Artisan’s Piccolo (sponsored by my dear mother <3)
Tech Support by my 3rd Gen iPad, Bluetooth Logitech keyboard & my iPhone 5.
Tunes provided by Spotify Premium.

Keep Moving Forward
Roshan Kanesan

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Light v Dark (2013)


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So, i haven’t written in a while… actually that’s a little of an understatement, it’s been just under 2 months. How on earth did i go 2 months without writing? Could that have been a contributory factor to the messiness and disorder of the last 7/8 week? I think yes.

Good Afternoon dear readers,

This is my 3rd Flat White at the PJ Artisan, and i’m really liking this place. Close to home, quiet, great coffee… so Artisan on the weekdays and Coffea on the weekends?

Anyway, i’ve finally reemerged from a 7 week period of Fibro-Infused Disordered Mess, with 3 exams in between. I’m actually not sure what’s being going on over the last 7 weeks, i know i’ve been busy, but it’s all quite a blur. After my last piece i started waking up late again, thanks Fibro, and that just threw everything out of sync and then began the mess & disorder, followed by Exam Month, and now i’m here… 2 weeks post-exam, finally getting to the keyboard. Yesterday i tried to get some writing done, but the only writing i did was yesterdays Little Yellow Note with the quote from Robin Sharma, “This day is your life in miniature. Make it Brilliant.”

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Talk about timing. I was in no way living my ideal days, not by a long shot.

There was no balance, no sense of purpose, no clarity.

There was nothing really to wake up to in the mornings.

The days were a blur, living life like a leaf in the wind.

Yes I had exams, and yes i’ve also been having fun and socialising, but a vital component to my life was missing, that very important part of me that helped me keep my balance.

My writing, My thoughts…

My clarity.

Finally, I’m feeling clear again, maybe it’s the coffee, maybe the fibro is easing off, but whatever it is, I have enough of it back.

Just thinking about it, in my life there are two sides.

The Light Side of the Force – my Clarity.
With this comes hope & belief based upon seemingly realisable goals and potential solutions that have come around simply because I can think without it being a struggle and fight. I’m able to look at a wider and larger picture, able to live life keeping in mind more than one step ahead.

The Dark Side of the Force – my Fibro.
With this comes fear, anger, hate & doubt (George Lucas was a genius, seriously). The Fibro brings about the Fog that clouds my mind, bring about pain and sensitivity that leads to anger, hate and bitterness and of course fatigue which bring about Fear, fear of being trapped indefinitely and at random by Body and/or Mind.

My life now is all about keeping the Dark Side in check, which i failed to do adequately (duh) over the last 7 weeks. These are the cards i’ve been dealt and i have to keep that in mind and all times, something that can be very depressing at times, to always remind yourself of your limitations, this is when it is so important for my Clarity to kick-in and remind me of the things that i have going for me and to focus on those. To focus on my great family that keeps me going, on my talents that supply me with a sense of clarity and purpose and my material life that allows to live a comfortable life and enjoy some material pleasures, like my coffee and my gadgets. It takes all three of these to offset the incredibly bankrupt state of my health.

These are the cards i’ve been dealt, and until i have access to the dealer and the pack, i’m just going to have to do what i can and make sure that the average progression is upward (line of best fit with regards to progress of life).

So my main prerogative in life, for now at least, is about keeping Fibro at bay by primarily safeguarding my Clarity.

That’s all for now. I’d say not too bad of a reboot, certainly not a Man Of Steel reboot, but it’ll do.

Here’s to my next instalment of my Notes On Life Series, coming soon, hopefully :/.

Straight From The Heart

Roshan “Arkay” Kanesan

Light

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V

Dark

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