Work In Progress, I Am.

Good Evening dear readers,

I can hear the heavy rain outside as i sit here at Artisan, enjoying my Flat White. I haven’t got back into the full swing of things, having really got back to business, not for the lack of trying, I just need to try harder. The examination month really messed up my system and the holidays haven’t helped me get back to business either. One month has already passed, it’s December and I still haven’t got to blogging regularly. It’s been harder than I thought it would be, waking up early has been more difficult than I remember it and it doesn’t help they memories of last December come back to haunt me (last December, after my finals, was the time my fibromyalgia got really bad and got the best of me) so when I wake up really tired and/or foggy, it scares me and I go back to sleep to hide away from it. The fibro fog has indeed been making cameo appearance recently, now infact. Then there are other nights when I sleep late because of social reasons, which I have indeed cut down on this week and will continue to try to make social events happen earlier. Every time I think about how I haven’t been able to get back to waking up early and blogging regularly it upsets me, and then I start to think that maybe it’s the Fibromyalgia that’s coming back but that maybe jumping to old conclusions,I’ve had the Fibromyalgia at bay for a while now, so I really hope it isn’t that. I think, maybe, I’ve figured it out. I went through a major shift in my daily routine during my examination period and I can’t just expect to get back to what was before. I’ve been doing it wrong, aiming for big steps daily so that I can quickly recover, and that’s what’s been messing me up. I forgot all about small daily improvements to build up the momentum, now, i have very little momentum and I can’t just conjure it out of thin air, I need to rebuild it, I need to reset my foundation. Thankfully because it’s already in me somewhere, it won’t take as long to build it back up. This is quite a human thing I feel, we are all works in progress.

We are All Works in Progress. Don’t expect to get to your goal easily or without friction. There will be good times and bad. Times when you will fall a sleep at the wheel and times when you feel like an MVP, remember that it’s all part of the journey. We aren’t robots and we will make mistakes. I look back to all the times that I went of course over the year, and every time I persisted and got back on track. As Tobias Wolff out it

We are made to persist. That’s how we find out who we are.

That is why we keep trying. That’s why I Keep Moving Forward. Always trying to make today better than yesterday.

There are always going to be curve balls and hurdles in the journey we are each on, it’s not going to be a perfect journey, there will be times we might take our eyes of the road and run face-first into a hurdle or lose focus and get hit by a curve ball, we aren’t perfect, as I have mentioned before many a time, we’ve just got to get back up, learn, recalibrate and get back on the road. Sometimes, we may spend some time on the sidelines, such as what I recently went through. Distracting myself with other things, not thinking about where I wanted to go, afraid of getting back on the road, convinced that I would slip up again, a story that sounds all too familiar, especially over this year. What I’ve got to always remember is that I will slip up and make mistakes and get distracted, I’m never going to be able to erased that completely but I will be able to minimise it, and the last year has been a testament to that. Every time you feel that you can Keep Moving Forward, think about how far you’ve come and how a while back you thought that maybe you couldn’t make it to where you are now. Maybe all you need, is a little breather, we all need them regularly. The problem with these little breathers, as I also know too well, is that we sometimes don’t define how long they should be and we prolong them. On the other hand there is the mistake where we don’t take breathers and keep pushing ourselves till we burn out and then face being out-of-it for a longer term.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t beat yourself up too hard when you mess up, yes beat yourself up a little, remember that we are works in progress and that every time you or I mess up, it’s an opportunity to study and learn why it happened so that we can adjust for it and Keep Moving Forward.

Straight From The Heart

Getting Back to Business

Good Afternoon guys, I’m here at Starbucks, been while and I’ve realised just how long it’s been. Guess I hit another speed bump.
I’ve been away for a while, a long while, put all this all on hold during my exam period, but I shouldn’t have stepped away for this long and I wouldn’t have needed to if I kept one eye on my academics and study died regularly instead of taking it all to the 11th hour. I was in such a mess, sleeping late, waking late, not exercising as much and so on and after the exams were over, I had rebuilt the old habit of sleeping late and I’ve been feeling messy, really cluttered. Writing kept me in check, kept me in awareness of myself and what I was doing, where I was going, without it I drifted away from the personal progress that I was making. The last month may have been necessary but it wasn’t good for my personal progress which leads me to a flaw in my personal progress, I didn’t put enough focus on academics. So, lesson learnt, must put more focus into my academics so that I won’t be left with a last minute hurdle at the end and have to dump everything else to get passed my exams, again.

So, my main focus for the next week is simple, get back into “shape”. Eating well, exercising regularly, writing regularly, reading, sleeping well, waking up early. Yes, it is Diwali, but I’ll have to work around that, I’ve spent enough time in the mess of mine, I’ve wasted enough time doing nothing, I’ve had enough of not having productivity in my days.

Easier said than done, but so very achievable.

This was just a warm up, taking that step of just doing it, just getting some writing done. my next post will be more back to business as usual.

Wish me luck,

Straight From The Heart

Journaling @Starbucks – Of Loss & Redemption

Good Afternoon readers,

It’s been a while since I blogged, my last one was in memory of great man who made an impact on my life, who sadly, is no longer with us. Today i sit down at this very tastefully designed Starbucks in TTDI, sipping on Soy Café Mocha as I mull over the week and reflect.

Over the last two weeks I have had to deal with the loss of a friend, teacher and mentor. Someone I looked up to and someone I admired. It was not easy but I am dealing with it. Loss is something that will eat you up and chuck you in a corner if you don’t deal with it, you may end up living life in Coma Mode and wasting years because the loss wasn’t dealt with and it created a numbness about life. If you need help, go get it, but don’t let the loss sit and stagnate, don’t procrastinate with regards to dealing with it. Dealing with it doesn’t mean ignoring or forgetting it, it just means accepting the fact that someone you loved or admired or cared for, is no longer around. Take your time dealing with it, but just make it certain that you are in fact trying to deal with it. Take it one step at a time, don’t let it consume you because I’m sure for most of the loved ones who have passed, they would want us to live our life’s and not trap ourselves in the past, or maybe that’s just what I tell myself. I tell myself Mr.D would tell me to keep pushing forward and enjoying life, to appreciate the people you do have and to live life. And I will keep telling myself that.

On a more recent note, during the middle of this week i discovered that I was letting down certain loved ones around me, that I wasn’t acting to the best I could in respect to my relationship with them, that I could be better and that they in fact deserved better. It was quite a slap in the face, a moment of clarity where I saw all the missteps, mistakes and ill actions I was making towards them. They were victims of my lack of patience, my ill-temperament and by extension, of my Fibromyalgia. I spent some time away, alone and in solitude just thinking and became aware of how I had dropped the ball, of how I had neglected certain people and of how I can do better, I can be better & I will be better. They may have forgiven me, but to be honest, I haven’t forgiven myself, every time I think of it it makes me sick, how could I have neglected them and treated the most important people in my life so badly? I’ll tell you why, because I didn’t think about it, I didn’t think about my actions and I didn’t think about them. I took the whole selfishness thing to far, yes it’s good to be selfish but it has to be in moderation, and I forgot about that very important word, moderation.

So hopefully I have dealt with the loss of Mr. D and that, in time, I will redeem myself in my eyes. The people around me deserve better from me and I owe it to myself to be better, simply because it would be such a waste of my abilities if I I didn’t, and I so hate waste.

Here’s to more posts this week, and this is the end of this weeks Journal entry.

Straight From The Heart

Sunday Reflections – Going In One More Round

It’s been a great Sunday so far, ventured into Bukit Gasing and pushed myself harder than I have in years and I feel incredibly proud of myself.

Achievement Unlocked.

Over the past week the first thing that I see when I wake up is a poster, and on that poster is a line that does like this:

“Going in one more round when you don’t think you can – that’s what makes all the difference in your life.” Rocky

I’ve been pushing myself over the last week, I’ve been trying new things, I’ve been focusing and most importantly I’ve been exercising. From basic 1.5km walks I pushed on to 3.33km, and then 4.5 km the day after followed by 4.8km and then today 5.6km through Bukit Gasing, which was incredible difficult. I found myself scared many times during the trail, it wasn’t easy and there were times I wanted to give up, but every time I would refocus myself and calm down, take a breather and push forward. I didn’t plan to go into Bukit Gasing, it was a spur of the moment thing during what was intended to be a chilled 5km walk.

I’m glad I did it, I really am. I keep surprising myself and most importantly, I’m showing the Fibromyalgia who’s in charge. I’ve been walking consistently at 8ish, getting myself 8 hours of sleep, I’ve been practicing better sleep hygiene (is it even called that?), I’ve been making it a daily goal to do something new, whether it’s trying a new cafe or going on a new trail, just anything new, and I’ve been feeling good. It hasn’t been all perfect but I’m working on it, and it’s been a good good week.

The greatest thing to happen over the last week is my exercising. It has filled me with energy, confidence and endorphins. It’s come to a point where I look forward to my workouts. I’ve been trying twice a day, and it’s been doing wonders. Of course there are the body aches, and they come with Fibromyalgia fuelled vengeance in the mornings, and the only reason I managed to fight them and get up out of bed is the fact that I wake up to that Rocky quote and also some other reading I’ve been doing, but the main motivation has been the quote. And truly, every time I’ve gone in that extra round when I didn’t think I could make it at first, I think of the quote and I push myself harder, I focus on being positive and I consciously change my thinking from “I don’t think I can” to “just do it”.

Yes I know this sounds cheesy and all that, but it’s truly been an enlightening week, and I’m going to follow through on that this week. I’m going to take a break tomorrow by just doing a 3km run, I’m not going to have a compete rest day because I don’t want to disrupt this momentum, and honestly I don’t want to rest, I actually want to do 6km at least tomorrow, but I’ve got to think and refuel.

Over the next week i’ll push further by focusing on being more responsible at home, focusing on academics and reading, following on from the great week.

Keywords: will power and discipline.

It’s been a great week of moving forward.

Straight From The Heart

Are you one of the Walking Dead?

Good Afternoon dear readers,

It’s been a while since I’ve written something, and during the short hiatus, aside from the weekend, I felt quite unproductive.. Lost at times, like i was sleep walking. I guess my writing helps me keep focused on where I wanna go, plus it gives me a sense of satisfaction, if that makes sense.

So today i’m back at Starbucks Monash, Café Mocha next to me and a Nazrin in front of me testing out the Bose QuietComfort 15. Feels good to be back here, in the very environment where I wrote more of my best pieces, there’s just something about this place, this is by far my favourite Starbucks. Yesterday the Fibromyalgia beat me, but today I’m back. It’s an on going fight, and I ain’t giving up anytime soon.

On to today’s topic, over the weekend my sister & I went down to Singapore and had a great time with Harveen, Komal & Gayatri. It was a well spent weekend, Universal Studios Singapore , Harry Potter exhibition, lots of beer, good food and bonding. The last time I went to Universal Studios Singapore I tried out the Transformers ride which was a bug step for someone who never goes on roller coasters and such, and this time around I took another step forward by going on The Mummy ride, it was scary but it was also a lot of fun, one of the highlights of the trip. So anyway, the last weekend has spurred me to try and do something new/adventurous/fun/memorable every weekend, essentially to out more living in my life, whether it’s a road trip, or a family day playing board games, or trying new food or watching the sunrise/sunset with loved ones.

Have you ever sat down and asked yourself, what the hell did I do last week? How did I spend the last month? What have I been doing with my life?

There have been to many times when I’ve felt like i was sleep walking through life, that I was in a coma, that I was one of the Walking Dead.

There are just too many times I’ve let the weekend slip away, i have quite a bit of free time and there are so many things I could be doing that I am not.

Life is meant to be lived and explored, it’s not meant to be a series of repeated actions day-in day-out.

Life is about creating moments that you will cherish, moments that will enrich you life.

Yes we all have obligations and responsibilities, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t live.

For those who work really hard over the week, take one day of the weekend to refuel and get to that much needed rest you so desire and spend the other day living life. This is an essential part of being productive and not having regrets as you lay on your death bed. There are so many things we can do, and if you say, well money is an issue, I never said anything about doing expensive things, living life doesn’t exclusively mean flying sound the world, it can be doing simple things with the people you love, enjoying your time on this planet, going to the beach, watching the sunset, enjoying a bottle of wine in the garden with family and friends, or even even spending some time on your own by going for a walk, hike, road trip by yourself. A lot of the time, the best ways to spend our time is right under our noses.

When’s the last time you got the family together and played charades or taboo? When’s the last time you tried out a new restaurant? When’s the last time you went on a road trip?

These are the times you should be saying You Only Live Once (YOLO) to encourage you to expand your life, not diminish it. I find that too many people abuse YOLO to do stupid things, but I guess that may just be my opinion.

You Only Live Once, So Put More Living in Your Life. Even the littlest of things can Put More Living in Your Day.

Straight From The Heart

Caring Too Much

Good Morning everyone! Today is feeling like a good day, feeling a little tired, but nothing that will trouble me much, woke up without pain and I woke up at 7am. Didn’t go for a swim, that’s the aim for tomorrow. 🙂 feeling pretty damn good this fine morning, looking forward to work at 10, am at Starbucks with my temporary companion Soy Café Mocha.

So I think I can say that I’ve made it out of the Storm, it was a trying two weeks but I made it, and I’m back on track to bring back on track. Haha. Thank you to everyone who supported me and helped me brace the storm and get out of it and I’m sorry to the people I hurt while bracing myself.

Onward to today’s piece.

I am a strong believer than the most important person in one’s life, is oneself. Why? Because if I can’t take care of myself, how can I take care of others? How I can i lead when I can’t even lead myself? How can I help others I care about if I can’t help myself?

I’m not saying don’t care about others, I’m saying that remember that you are equally, if not more, important than the people who love and care for. So make sure you do justice to your life before worrying about others. Now, please don’t take this as my blessing to go become a self obsessed, egomaniac whose entire world revolves around oneself. Just make sure you take are of yourself before you got out of your way to help others. That may work for a while, but in the long run it’s not sustainable and it’s not the way to live your life.

I’m the type of person who cares very much about my family and friends, I empathise withheld they go through, I try my best to really listen to them and I’m there for them to the best of my ability. I can confidently say that I’m a great friend 90% of the time, and if you can find someone from my inner circle who will say otherwise, I will retract that statement. I care very much for my family and friends, and most of them reciprocate, but there are some who I feel take me for granted and this would affect me and stress me, that is until yesterday when a very wise man said to me, “why are you being so stupid? Why let it affect you?”. And that’s when it hit me… I was being stupid, why was I putting so much effort into something what was mostly one way?

“I use to care, now I don’t.” – A Wise Friend

There’s only so much we can do, and once we’ve done our best, all we can do is watch.

“Let one live their life & learn from their mistakes. What we should worry about is making sure, we as a person, keeps on the right track.” – Another Wise Friend

Care for people as much as they care for you, care more if you want but as long as it isn’t counter-productive to you.There are plenty of people in my life who deserve my love and care, and for those who haven’t been doing their part, don’t expect me to call. I’ve had enough.

Straight From The Heart

Sunday “Should Have Been Saturday Morning” Reflections

Good evening guys, I apologise for the tardiness of last weeks reflection.

Looking back at the previous week, reflecting, It could have been better. It wasn’t a very good week. The fibromyalgia was kicking my ass and there were times I felt like I was going insane. Times i thought that i was going to end up the same before. Reminds me of the article I wrote, iClouded.

I’m upset that I didn’t blog as much. I’m disappointed that i didn’t wake up early everyday, followed by a swim. I’m let myself down by not going to work. And most of all, I’m heartbroken for the way I reacted on Thursday with regards to my sister and brother, especially my sister. I am so sorry for the way I acted towards her, she didn’t know what I was going through.

“It’s not what happens to you in life, it’s what you do about it.” W. Mitchell

“whether I fail or succeed that’ll be no man doing but my own. I am the Force.i can clear any obstacle before me or I can get lost in the maze. My choice. My responsibility; win or lose only I hold the key to my destiny.” Elaine Maxwell

It may not have been much of a productive week, as the weeks before, but on the plus side, I did get some good rest and realised that it took 6 weeks for the Storm to kick-in instead of 2. And I have been feeling better over the past 2 days. Should be back in action tomorrow. I did get some reading done. Also, I did have some great fun. Attended the Starbucks Summer Party which was awesome, went to the BSKL British Summer Fair with my friends yesterday and it turned out to be a pretty fun afternoon/evening.

I guess I just needed a break, there was a point I guess when I should have eased off the ‘gas’ a little, maybe I could’ve extended my run to 7/8 weeks, but that’s the next goal. I had a misstep last week, a little stumble, a speed bump, now it’s time to learn from it, pick up whatever I can no Keep Moving Forward. So I guess I’m happy about the previous week, reminded me of humanity, that life, progress and success isn’t a straight full-throttle shot to the top, it’s like climbing up mountains, step at a time, trying not to make mistakes but leanings from them when they do occur. And following on from this, this is why we need to reflect, to ensure that all the hard work we do and sacrifices we make are worth it, that after toiling and climbing, shedding blood, sweat and tears, that we make sure that we are in line with our goals and that we are climbing the right mountain.

“you can’t get to the top of Everest by jumping up the mountain. You get to the mountaintop by taking incremental steps. Steep by step you get to your goal.” Robin Sharma

That’s why we should reflect, because we all want our work and effort to not be in vain. We want to reach our goals and not take a wrong turn along the way, or if we do take a wrong turn to correct out path and get back on track. That’s why we reflect. That’s why we set up a A Room of One’s Own, that why we set aside to think. To not only brainstorm and come up with amazing ideas, but to make sure that after all the bullshit and detours, that we reach the summit of the certain mountain, that you enjoy the moment and not be in disappointment and regret.

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. ~Peter F. Drucker

Straight From The Heart

Yea… Sorry about that

I’m so sorry about my previous post.

we all have our weak moments, live is full of ups and down, and that life isn’t perfect, there is no Perfect life but we can sure as hell make the best of what we’ve got.

So yea, the last few weeks have been great and the post have reflected my progress, but hey, I’m going through a rough day and I’m going to leave the post up. To show that yes, there will be bad days, and yes there will be moments that you feel like utter shit, but you will get through it…I will get through this.

I’m not going to beat myself up for having a bad day, I’ll accept it, do what I need to or can to recover and get back on my feet soon. Today, actually not today but the last few hours have been the worst period of this Storm, but I’ll get through this. I know I will.

I did it before and had 6 great weeks and i’ll do it again and have 8 great weeks.

What is the saying,” it’s darkest before the dawn”.

Well it’s pretty dark now, but I do see the light in the distance… I will continue moving towards it, even if its one step a day, it’s progress in the right direction. If you’re in a dark place too, finds some light and head towards it, the closer you get the less dark it’ll be.

“Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man’s doing but my own. I am the force. I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choise: my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.”
― Elaine Maxwell

Straight From The Heart

Bracing the Storm

Good afternoon readers,

I hope you don’t mind that I’m diverging from the usual mo of blogging in the mo, but it should only be today, but not diverging too much, I’m enjoying my Café Mocha at this new Starbucks. The Café Mocha is ok, but not as good as the one I had at the Centrepoint branch.

On to today’s piece,

Before the last few days I’d been enjoying much progress and smooth sailing. There wasn’t much of the slowness, or the brain fog, or the tiredness or the muscle aches… But I knew they would return, it was only a matter of time. It usually took 2 weeks before these symptoms came back with a bang, but this time around I enjoyed 6 weeks of bliss. 6 great weeks of progress, and smooth sailing. And I’m happy for it. Yes I’m in The Storm now, but I just have to hold on and get through it. Just need to brace myself and not let the pain and tiredness take control. Unlike the time before my spirit has been reignited and I’m willing to fight. Before I would have 2 good weeks and then get hit by The Storm and would give in to it. But not this time.

Yes I’m tired, yes I’m waking up in pain, yes my brain feels clouded and slow, but I’ll fight this time. Life is never going to be all smooth sailings, there will be times you need to brace for impact and other times when times couldn’t be any better. Enjoy it all, learn from it all, experience it all. For it is all part of life.

Yea it’s not easy, but then again all things that are worth it aren’t easy to get, are they? I’d rather die trying to get out of this storm than resign myself to living with it and let it limit me. No. Not again. Never again. I will continue to live or die trying.

So now, I will continue to wake u as early as I can, sleep at a regular time, swim the mornings I don’t feel too tired and keep writing, because this writing helps me and thank you for reading. Hopefully within this week I’ll be able to tell all of you that i made it out of this Storm and will embark on the next part of progress.

One step at a time.

I’ll Keep Moving Forward.

Straight From The Heart

Down, but Not Out

Good Morning everyone, I really hope you’re having a better morning than me.

I’m not feeling too great today, actually feeling really tired and my mind feels all clouded and cluttered. Could only swim for 8 minutes this morning and getting out of bed at 7 was so hard even though I went to bed before 10 last night.

I’ve been feeling more tired this week, and today is the worst. Feels like one of my normal days during early this year. Tired, in pain, fatigued, clouded. I couldn’t make it to work today. I feel slow, feel like crap, the world has lost a little of it’s colour, but only a little. I’ll bounce back from this soon 🙂

I’ve actually been expecting the for some time, this is the sort of cycle i’ve been going through for the last 2-3 years, but usually it would be a max of 2 good weeks and then I would enter this sort of slump, but this time it took 6 weeks! Which is a great improvement. I could look at this and say, “oh no, why has this got to happen, why do I even try?”, but I won’t. This tired phase will last a couple of days, just my body’s way of asking for a break, plus some of my supplements have finished, so that could be contributing to this.

But anyway, yes I feel like crap, yes my body hurts and yes my heads feels clogged, but the last 6 weeks have been worth it. If I keep this up, maybe the next time will be an 8 week run before the slump kicks in. but whatever it is, I’ve made progress and will continue to make progress. Just need to get through this little slump and get on the next wave. I know I can, I will.

I’m sorry if the post seems a little messy, that how my mind feels right now. But this won’t last long, it won’t stop be Revival. This is just a little speed bump. Just need to get some good rest, wait for my new batch of supplements to come in and in the mean time, I’ll continue to try my best to get up by 7 and go to bed by 10. I hope I can go to work tomorrow.

Of course when you’re on the right path, there are going to be hard times, difficult times, speed bumps, but don’t let that ,stop you. I’m not. Because its not how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. Courtesy of Rocky. Don’t give in. Don’t give up.

And I’m going to Keep Moving Forward

Anyway, that’s all for today folks.
Sorry if this weeks writing has disappointed.

Straight From The Heart

Arkay6

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