Tag: fibromyalgia

Potential


“Don’t get caught up in wasted potential from years past. Potential is all we ever have”

I guess the biggest “asset” that all of us have is our potential. Unfortunately it has been this “asset” that’s been causing me to be less-than-happy over the past few months. It’s caused me to be frustrated, angry and at times depressed. Why you ask?

For most of my life i’ve always been told about how well i’ll do in “life”, all the things i’ll do, all the places i’ll see, the impact i’ll have. They always talk about my potential. This always encouraged me, it helped me believe in myself and helped build confidence. And as it would turn out, I did achieve things and make little impacts here and there.

Unfortunately all this also inflated my Ego.

So as life moved on, it seemed as though i was heading towards the goals that I had set for myself. Become Head Prefect, Ace SPM, go to UWC and this is where it… paused, i unfortunately couldn’t take the next step and reach my next goal, studying in the States. When my health deteriorated i still held on to my dreams, but as time passed it seemed that it was moving further and further away and that day-by-day my “potential” was diminishing due to health problems that never seemed to leave me be. The hardest part was accepting that a lot of my “dreams” are not going to come through, and for the most part it is due to factors beyond my control, but my Ego has been having a hard time swallowing this… that the “potential” that people used to say I had, might never see the light of day.

 But then, i read the quote above, the one right at the top, and it made me think. Why should i fret about the potential that has already gone to waste? Potential is something I will always have, something that WE will always have. Because as long as I am breathing, there’s potential for something, it may not be the same “Potential” and  I may need to re-adjust where I want to go in “Life”, but isn’t that Life? Plans are important but life has a tendency to throw a wrench in the works, we just need to learn to adapt, and i guess I’m going to have to learn that if i want to be happy, cause isn’t that what we all strive for…. to be Happy.

I still haven’t dealt with this issue and I struggle with it everyday, wanting to reach the stars but my current state isn’t exactly ideal, but it’s a Work In Progress, and one day i’ll except that it may take longer or that I just won’t reach the stars, but hey… I’m sure the clouds ain’t too bad either.

at this point i am so very tempted to put some sort of Gossip Girl influenced catch phrase (yes i watch GG, i just started, curiosity got the better of me) but can’t think of anything… yet.

Happiness


The past 3 years have been rocky,i’ve had to drop the pace to deal with my health issues that never seem to end. From weekly infections, to mycoplasma pneumonia to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and then Fibromylagia (FM), which was diagnosed about a year ago. So as for now, my problem is FM, which to be honest I’m still not sure what it is. Whatever it is, i’ve finally acknowledged that the FM or whatever it is, is a problem and i’m not going to be able to move on with my life if I don’t deal with this damn thing. So i finally told me family that i need help and for the next few months i’m going to focus on beating this so that i can finally go through university and have a life that isn’t regulated by the FM, but by me.

FM has taken things away from me. It pisses me off, frustrates me and depresses me. Not a great way to live. But then again those are the bad days, there are good days but the problem is that the bad days outnumber the good days, and not by a close margin. So my mission, should i choose to accept, will be to flip the ratio so that the good days outnumber the bad. But in order to do that, i’ll have to accept limitations to my life, things that i won’t be able to do, dreams that i won’t be able to reach, achievements that i will miss out on… which brings me to the title of this post, Happiness.

I’ve been so used to defining happiness in my achievements and successes that the mere fact that I have to re-evaluate my life, to lower my goals and expectations so that I don’t aggravate my health is something that i haven’t been able to process yet… actually, i guess i’m processing it now. I’ve been putting this off for some time now because it just depresses me. I’ve been so used to dreaming big and for a long time, I was on the path to achieving most of those dreams. I always envisioned myself as a Suit, a successful business person, living in luxury, living the Good Life and enjoying the work i was doing. That was what i thought Happiness would look like for me. So I guess “my ego was writing cheques that my body won’t be able cash.”

I have to be realistic, there are more hurdles in my life now, I just need to get to the next level of life.

I need re-evaluate my goals.

I need to deflate my ego.

I need to maintain a Work-Life Balance so that stress doesn’t drag me into a relapse in the future

I need to redefine Happiness.

(sorry if the post is…. screwy, started feeling really blur midway… damn Brain Fog)

Why?


Why start a blog?

Well I’ve been thinking about it for a while actually. Thinking of it as a means of expressing my thoughts out of my cluttered mind. Ever since I got sick I’ve felt that my mind has been slower, that it was lagging … It felt rusted. I thought going back to school, CPU, would restore my mind to full fitness, it helped but didn’t restore it. Then there’s Uni, which hasnt really helped, yet.
It’s been almost 2 years like this and it’s not been very nice or easy.
I recently realized that the culprit of my sluggishness could actually stem from the ideas, thoughts and opinions cluttered in my mind. Like how functionality in a messy room or disorganized working structure, would be greatly diminished. So, my hope and plan is that this blog and comments validly challenging my points (I appreciate and welcome constructive criticism most of the time) will further help mentally stimulate me.
Hence, why I would start a blog.

As can be expected, my initially posts will probably be messy and disorganized but I’ll work on it.

A lot of my posts will probably be based on thoughts, opinions and ideas regarding and/or from Fibromyalgia, Steve Jobs, Apple, Arsenal, Money, my favourite companies, books that I’ve read, my favorite brands etc.

Arkay6’s Thoughts #1