The past 3 years have been rocky,i’ve had to drop the pace to deal with my health issues that never seem to end. From weekly infections, to mycoplasma pneumonia to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and then Fibromylagia (FM), which was diagnosed about a year ago. So as for now, my problem is FM, which to be honest I’m still not sure what it is. Whatever it is, i’ve finally acknowledged that the FM or whatever it is, is a problem and i’m not going to be able to move on with my life if I don’t deal with this damn thing. So i finally told me family that i need help and for the next few months i’m going to focus on beating this so that i can finally go through university and have a life that isn’t regulated by the FM, but by me.

FM has taken things away from me. It pisses me off, frustrates me and depresses me. Not a great way to live. But then again those are the bad days, there are good days but the problem is that the bad days outnumber the good days, and not by a close margin. So my mission, should i choose to accept, will be to flip the ratio so that the good days outnumber the bad. But in order to do that, i’ll have to accept limitations to my life, things that i won’t be able to do, dreams that i won’t be able to reach, achievements that i will miss out on… which brings me to the title of this post, Happiness.

I’ve been so used to defining happiness in my achievements and successes that the mere fact that I have to re-evaluate my life, to lower my goals and expectations so that I don’t aggravate my health is something that i haven’t been able to process yet… actually, i guess i’m processing it now. I’ve been putting this off for some time now because it just depresses me. I’ve been so used to dreaming big and for a long time, I was on the path to achieving most of those dreams. I always envisioned myself as a Suit, a successful business person, living in luxury, living the Good Life and enjoying the work i was doing. That was what i thought Happiness would look like for me. So I guess “my ego was writing cheques that my body won’t be able cash.”

I have to be realistic, there are more hurdles in my life now, I just need to get to the next level of life.

I need re-evaluate my goals.

I need to deflate my ego.

I need to maintain a Work-Life Balance so that stress doesn’t drag me into a relapse in the future

I need to redefine Happiness.

(sorry if the post is…. screwy, started feeling really blur midway… damn Brain Fog)


5 thoughts on “Happiness

  1. Roshan – this is a very nice piece. these days we have blogs to express ourselves. When I was going through foggy days some 15 years ago, I used to write stuff in a diary which I have not shown anyone till today. But writing it and setting goals helped me get to where I am. You will get to where you want to be too.

  2. Roshan – When God closes one door he opens many other doors for you. What you define as the Good Life which is what you wanted out of life, may not be what He has planned for you. Turn to Him, put your complete trust and faith in Him and believe me you will not be dissappointed. He is a miracle man and miracles do happen in this world.

  3. I agree 100% with Amarjeet. God gives us all kinds of tests and trainings, only because he wants us to turn to the one thing that can make a positive difference in our lives – God Himself. People who face difficult times, people who hit a brick wall, these are the lucky people. Because they realise before others that the way to health and happiness is by practising His Teachings.

  4. Roshan, it takes a lot of Grace to be able to express and be so comfortable as you speak on all this. Your thought s seem to give so much strength to another as you do this. Will definitely keep you in my positive thoughts and prayers. Thank you for being open. Thank you for sharing. God’s grace is sufficient.

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