The Ideal Route isn’t the Only Route


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Good afternoon dear readers ๐Ÿ™‚

Today’s post is a later then the last 4 Note’s on Life simply because i’ve been feeling rather stuck, cluttered and sluggish since Monday, in fact I’m still not entirely sure what i’m going to write about today…

i’m still quite stuck…

I’ve actually had a pretty decent run over the last 4 weeks, 6 pieces out, 5 of which were pretty good and got a good reception and one that i’m incredibly proud of, one that became my most viewed piece within a 24 hour period and 48 hour period.

So i guess the timing is quite apt for some disruption in my writing life.
I’ve been feeling quite fatigued over the week, but the interesting thing is that for most of it, my mind didn’t feel all that affected, it still felt quite sharp, no Fog (or nothing too big of a concern) set in, which I’m going to take as a sign of Long-Term Progress ๐Ÿ™‚ haha However,as for Short-Term progress, I didn’t really do anything productive, my morning protocol fell apart due to my body’s refusal to get up on time and as such there was no daily brainstorm session to work on my writing… oh well, nothing really to fret about, not like this hasn’t happened before.

Ah, i think i’ve got a topic for today…

People get stuck, it happens, to all of us.

But getting stuck isn’t a sign of failure, it’s just part and parcel of the journey. Sometimes as a signal that we need a break and sometimes to signal to us that maybe the route we’re currently using isn’t right or suitable or enough.

Essentially, it’s quite relatable to last weeks post, it’s about not losing faith in our capability to be able to achieve what we want. There is more than one way to get to where each of us want to go, some may take you a little longer and some may be a little more difficult.

Just because the ideal way is blocked off doesn’t mean it’s game over, it’s really about how much we want it and what we are willing to do, about whether we’re looking at the Short Term or the Long Term, about how much it’s worth to us.

In this area i draw some inspiration from Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, the duo went from Seatle to International without a Label, that’s really quite a feat.

“The greats weren’t great because at birth they could paint. The great were great cause the paint a lot” – Macklemore – Song: Ten Thousand Hours

Life isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon, it isn’t a battle but a war.

We’ve got to remember that the Ideal Route isn’t the Only Route.

On that note, i’m going to talk a little about myself.

My journey over the last few years has been quite an interesting one. Done with SPM (Grade 10 Government Exams, O-Levels) at the end of 2007, i spent the next 9 months on break awaiting the next part of my life, MUWCI – the Mahindra United World College of India. I was supposed to complete the 24 month IB Diploma Program but instead only spent 18 months there, with plenty of days at the Medical Centre with 4 trips home in 2009 where the norm would have been 2; trip 1 for a ENT surgery for a blockage we thought was the reason for my bad sleep and fatigue, trip 2 for summer, trip 3 was when my parents had enough of the idiocity of the MUWCI doctor and brought me home to get our good old Malaysian doctors to hunt down the culprit of my health problems, and they found it, Mycoplasma Pneumonia, and trip 4 for Winter break, the trip home in which i was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and the decision was made by my parents, doctors and, eventually, I to leave MUWCI. I went back to MUWCI for a month, celebrated my 19th Birthday there and left a few days later. Resting at home till June, i joined Taylor’s Canadian Pre-University Program (CPU) and graduated a year later, not without many health hurdles (it was after my first semester, February 2011, when i was officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia) which i managed to get through thanks to great support of the staff, admin and teachers at CPU. They were incredibly understanding of my condition. After CPU I finally went to university, I joined Monash University Sunway Campus and had a relatively good semester there and did really well in my finals, but it was after my finals that it all wet to hell. I decided to join summer school to occupy myself, but during the month after my finals i got more tired and more clouded, i didn’t understand what was happening in class and after a while i knew i couldn’t finish it, it was just a huge mess. I wanted to withdraw but i couldn’t do so without failing the subject… It was a very stressful, tiring and depressing time, this was the period of time that i referred to in last weeks post, when i thought about Giving Up. With some good advice from the course office i deferred my summer school examination, took an intermission from Monash and filled an appeal with regards to my Summer School unit, which Monash eventually gave me. They gave me the Withdrawn Incomplete i wanted and told me i could take the unit fresh, which i’m doing now. It was this time when i went from depression to writing to my eventual revival of spirit. I think it was April 2012 when i really started writing. I got back to studying at Monash for Semester 2, 2012 enrolled in 2 units and passed on unit and got a Distinction in the other. And now, this semester, officially my 3rd semester, i’m enrolled in 3 units and things are going relatively smoothly.

Those were my routes from 2008 to now, anything but Ideal and for from the worst routes either. I learnt a lot and i suffered a lot, but importantly, I gained substantial insight into myself. I’m now more clear about what i really want. I’m now more focused on writing now, dropping Accounting as a major and going with Finance and Marketing and am going to look for a more writing based internship for my year end break.

Like i said, my routes have been anything but ideal. ๐Ÿ™‚ and i’m not the only one who personally knows that.

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter.
Try again. Fail again. Fail better” – Samuel Beckett

One more thing: When the ideal route isn’t available to us, we must first analyse the situation, look for as many alternatives and then, most importantly, attempt to calculate the Opportunity Cost, not just in monetary terms, but in overall terms, and then decide what to do. Don’t jump the gun and use the first alternative route found. Yes we must be Persistent and Determined, but we’ve also got to be Patient.

Another thing: Not everything is worth our time. Focus on what matters and Fight for that. We’ve got to know what were fighting for if we want to win, because if we don’t know what we’re fighting for, then why are we fighting?

Anyway, i hope that my writing was relatively clear, I know this is far from my best and I apologise. I contemplated not writing something today after recent standards, but that’s not how i work. My writing is also a reflection of what it’s like to be human. That there is no Perfection, and that we can’t always perform at our Peak or at Excellence. I don’t want to show you only my best sides, because my best sides aren’t me, they aren’t the whole story; and i really don’t like one sided tales. This piece is far from my best, but it’s part of my journey and a part of my development.

Straight From The Heart

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Hggggg

Happiness


The past 3 years have been rocky,i’ve had to drop the pace to deal with my health issues that never seem to end. From weekly infections, to mycoplasma pneumonia to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and then Fibromylagia (FM), which was diagnosed about a year ago. So as for now, my problem is FM, which to be honest I’m still not sure what it is. Whatever it is, i’ve finally acknowledged that the FM or whatever it is, is a problem and i’m not going to be able to move on with my life if I don’t deal with this damn thing. So i finally told me family that i need help and for the next few months i’m going to focus on beating this so that i can finally go through university and have a life that isn’t regulated by the FM, but by me.

FM has taken things away from me. It pisses me off, frustrates me and depresses me. Not a great way to live. But then again those are the bad days, there are good days but the problem is that the bad days outnumber the good days, and not by a close margin. So my mission, should i choose to accept, will be to flip the ratio so that the good days outnumber the bad. But in order to do that, i’ll have to accept limitations to my life, things that i won’t be able to do, dreams that i won’t be able to reach, achievements that i will miss out on… which brings me to the title of this post, Happiness.

I’ve been so used to defining happiness in my achievements and successes that the mere fact that I have to re-evaluate my life, to lower my goals and expectations so that I don’t aggravate my health is something that i haven’t been able to process yet… actually, i guess i’m processing it now. I’ve been putting this off for some time now because it just depresses me. I’ve been so used to dreaming big and for a long time, I was on the path to achieving most of those dreams. I always envisioned myself as a Suit, a successful business person, living in luxury, living the Good Life and enjoying the work i was doing. That was what i thought Happiness would look like for me. So I guess “my ego was writing cheques that my body won’t be able cash.”

I have to be realistic, there are more hurdles in my life now, I just need to get to the next level of life.

I need re-evaluate my goals.

I need to deflate my ego.

I need to maintain a Work-Life Balance so that stress doesn’t drag me into a relapse in the future

I need to redefine Happiness.

(sorry if the post is…. screwy, started feeling really blur midway… damn Brain Fog)