#RK3PO: Adapt & Move


Tomorrow is the day I go from #RK2PO to #RK3PO haha.
  
Midnight is nearing, which means I’ll have to start fasting for my #pacemaker replacement tomorrow.
Feeling ok, got really nervous when we checked in, got even more nervous when they told me I had to do a blood test, as history can testify to, blood tests and needles have been hated experiences which got worse with the #spoonie elements of heightened sensitivity and just pain everywhere,
But, the nurse here at #IJN was awesome and though the conscious effort to remain calm and not to tense up my left arm up really tired my out (my blood flows out slowly so it can take sometime, which makes the keeping calm & tolerating the pain bit tiring) she did better than almost all the other medical needle related experiences I’ve had. It hurt of course, but it was minimal comparatively.
Aside that things have been pretty chilled, I’m not looking forward to the needles they’re going to need to insert tomorrow the drip/IV but other than that things are pretty chill.
Dad’s here, the Fam & Aunty vim came and chilled for a while, just been watching tv, oh and also did some editing haha. Been catching up a lot on the backlog.
And now, I’m just thinking about life. How 10 years & 26 days ago, when i got my first #pacemaker, I thought my life would’ve so much more different at this point, and I’m now thinking about how things could be when I’m due for my next change haha.
Plans have been broken & smashed, I’m nowhere near where I thought i’d be but that doesn’t mean I should stop planning, just got to be ready to adapt when shit happens & #KeepMovingForward.
Tomorrow we initiate #RK3PO, looking forward to seeing how the journey to #RK4PO turns out. 
May the Force Be With You & #KMF.
#arkay2016 #arkayKMF #RoshanKanesan #arkayHealth 

After The Hill: 4 Years Later. #CGGMM


Woodfire Tea MUWCI Sept '08

Dad enters the room, points at this pic and asks “who’s this kid?”

That was me in sept/oct 2008 when I just started at #MUWCI, having tea, made over wood fire, in the village.

How time has passed and how I’ve changed over the last 6 years.

Life.

A few days back I went for a UWC(MY) Casual Gathering that turned out to be a great catch up. It was felt really really good to connect again with the UWC Fam. Since I left MUWCI I kept all UWC related items to near zero, barring the few small meet ups with some familiar faces and the 2011 visits.

I isolated myself, a sort of self-imposed exile.

I didn’t go for any send offs, or SSSs or any other related activities since I left MUWCI 4 months before graduation.

That was just over 4 years ago.

Leaving MUWCI, or any UWC for the matter, after grad is hard enough, so imagine having to leave without graduating;

sick, depressed and feeling like a failure.

It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through and would’ve broken me without the support of certain MUWCI-ites, friends and family.

Could I have done things differently?

Could I have taken care of myself better?

Could I have done it and lasted till the end?

There were so many questions and no answers to be found, so many emotions and nothing that could resolve them, so much disorientation with seemingly nothing to show me where to go.

So instead of dealing with it all, I numbed myself with regards to all things UWC utilising two effective tools; Avoidance and Denial.

An incredibly selfish move, but something I needed to do. It just hurt too much every time I looked back or thought about it.

How frustrating it was (and even today sometimes) that the greatest experience of my life (so far) had become such a powerful and painful depressive trigger.

Even as I write this out now it brings about so many strong emotions and feelings.

It took time, years in fact, to deal with it. I had visitors and did visit a few MUWCI people in the region, which was awesome while it lasted, but became so depressing after the fact. Aside those visits, I really didn’t make any real effort to be a part of the Malaysian UWC Family, let alone the general UWC Community.

Was it because I felt ashamed?

Was it because I was afraid to be seen as a failure?

Was it because i didn’t feel i belonged or deserved to be a part of the ‘family’ having not graduated?

The answer is all three, and more.

It was hard even thinking about the fact that my dreams of continuing to fly high were dashed away, but it hurt even more to watched others, peers and juniors, do it. I was always proud of their achievements and adventures, but it just hurt that I wasn’t part of it or didn’t have my own ones.

With time, readings, thought and writing,especially writing, I came to accept that although this fight with Fibromyalgia may have taken away all those potential experiences, it gave me other experiences and memories along side maturity, growth and strength I never knew I had.

It may not be what I wanted the day I landed in Mumbai 6 years ago, but today I can’t imagine my life going any other way. I can’t imagine not getting up from the hard falls, not growing the way I have, not getting into writing and coffee and especially not learning about the value of health.

In 2009/10 my story took a significant detour off the course I had intended, and though I still get frustrated, envious and even intimidated at times, I still have no regrets about accepting that offer from the Malaysian UWC National Committee in mid-2008.

I did the best with the hand I had and lost. Now whether that loss is for the better or the worse is something only time, and effort, will tell, I’ll just continue to keep playing the best I can with the hands I have;

Getting up from the Falls,

Always Learning,

Always Growing,

Always Moving Forward.

To end, here’s a little excerpt from one of my older pieces, ‘Overall Progress’.

“Progress isn’t a straight line up, it’s the line of best fit based on all the ups and down we’ve faced in our lives. As long as the ‘Life Line’ formed from the line of best fit shows an upward trajectory/trend/pattern, then we’re on a pretty good track; based upon what we place value on in our lives, whether it is based on the state of our health, or careers, or family life.

Yea, mine could be better but as long as I’m not stagnating, then i think i’m doing alright. i’ve just got to keep learning how to minimise the downtimes and maximise the peaks.

We’re all a Work In Progress. We’re all always learning and thus always growing, just at different rates and different ways.”

 

Keep Moving Forward #KMF

Straight From The Heart

Roshan ‘Arkay’ Kanesan

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

The Dissolution of the Empty Trophy Cabinet Curse.


So over the weekend something amazing happened, the “Drought” clock has been reset.

ARSENAL WON THE F.A. CUP!!!

Image

It was a long time since Arsenal won silverware, something in the region of 3283 days.

8 years of getting close but faltering,

8 years of players leaving for the sake of “ambition”

8 years of hopes being raised and crushed as Arsenal fans witnessed 3 years ago in the Carling Cup.

We all knew that we just needed them to win their first cup, to add that first piece of silverware to the cabinet of our glorious new stadium to get the ball rolling again, to get these players to feel that which winners feel as they lift the trophy and dance through the city in a parade of joy with the fans. Now that they’ve got a taste of it, I’m sure they’ll be hungry for much much more.

The celebrations were something very new to me, i’ve been a proper supporter since 2006, there first final i watched was the heart wrenching champion league one in 2006, and so i’ve never watched my team lift a trophy and bask in the glory of victory, and it felt wonderful, a little alien, but wonderful.

Image

My reaction right after.

“My first time watching my team lift a major trophy. This is an amazing feeling. Quite poetic that the last trophy we won was the FA cup and only to end the drought with the FA Cup. 
Words cannot fully express this moment. The match was insane, 2-0 down in 8 minutes to win it 3-2. The FA Cupis truly a mad affair. 
So glad to have watched this man end his trophy drought and vindicate himself. 
So happy to watch this team gel and proof themselves. 
Just so happy. 
So. Very. Happy.”

So many reason why this season had to be the one;

the snide remark from Jose,

the fact that Wenger became the longest serving manager at a club after our dear Fergie departed the scene;

the only season we didn’t lose a key squad member and in fact added to it,

a season that finally saw the return on investment on the Emirates Stadium with a substantial increase in sponsorship revenue, hence a stronger and self-sustainable financial position.

The fact that it was Sagna’s last year on contract, Arsenal’s most loyal player in a while and he off all people deserved it.

So many reasons, and it did in fact happen.

And most of all, Gone are the “new empty dusty trophy cabinet jokes”.

Image

Now that pressure will lie elsewhere, i think it’s now on Liverpool if i’m not mistaken, think their last major trophy was also the FA Cup but in 2006, actually i think i’m mistaken. I think they won the League Cup in 2012. Hmm, so now that Arsenal’s 8 year drought is over, what will not constitute a trophy drought?

Will it now be anything more than 2-3 years?

That however is an issue for another time, I’m just relishing the fact that Chelsea’s “Special One” won absolutely nothing this season, a season in which many, many Blues fans were claiming was going to be his glorious return. Oh how great it would be if Eto’o come over to Arsenal, just to stick to Jose even more, but in any case I’m a happy camper.

Image

Arsenal won the FA Cup.

Wenger has been vindicated, (though not a reason to relax now)

The Gunners now know what it’s like to be winners,

And,

London is Red.

Image

Keep Moving Forward

-Arkay-

Fighting Demons that Never Quit: Doubt, Worry, Fear & Paralysis


Image

Dad sent me this an hour ago.

It’s been a tough few days mentally. Fighting demons that never quit.

Doubts,
Worries,
Fear of Failure.
Whenever I start feeling better I become my own worst enemy. I start expecting way more of myself, putting pressure when I should be focusing on majoring the formula that got me feeling better. Instead I pile on mental stress that leads to the doubts, worries & fear; the essential ingredients to the #DarkSide.
All because I start getting anxious at how far “behind” I am to other people my age; How far my health has detracted me from me peers.
It’s times like these that I just need to trigger the circuit breaker and reboot the system, focus on what’s at hand and not expect too much of myself in the short run, but to look to the long term, see what Iwant in 2-3 years and reflect that in my days leading to that.

I’ve really got to learn to stop rushing my progress, nothing good has ever come from me rushing.
#arkay2014 #arkaysthoughts #fibromyalgia #fibrolife

here’s hoping I Keep Moving Forward.

-Arkay-

My Living Work of Art, January 2014 in Review.


20140202-152219.jpg

Hey guys, it’s been while. A very long while.

Last time we caught up, unless you’re following me on Instagram, I was in London at this little coffee place called The Borough Barista if i remember correctly. Anyway a lot has happened since then and i thought i was only right that i get back to writing at the start of my year, the year of the Horse 🙂
This piece isn’t going to be a very thoughtful post, not yet, just a look back at the last two months, mostly January as the title implies haha.  So December and January were both full fledged holiday months, no work, no stress, just travelling, family & fun… oh, and some reading haha. The first 24 days of my holiday was all about London (featuring Manchester) and it was amazing, the best holiday i’ve ever had, but more on that another time, today is about January and how things played out for the first month of 2014.
The theme for January was very simple, Family. There was a lot family fun & bonding from #ItsAVeryJessyXmas to #AnotherJessyWedding, #SimrensGettingMaried, to my 10 day #ArkayInPenang trip. The start of the month was very fast paced with the wedding, a lot of dancing, a lot of drinking and a helluva lot of fun, Nav & I even joined the girls on stage this time around to perform for Sim’s wedding, and that was brilliant. It’s amazing what a few beers before dancing can do to help one loosen up, especially when one has to represent the family at the groom side reception at a “Dance Off” 😉
  • There was a lot of suiting up and looking good,
  • There was a lot of beer,
  • There was a lot of family,
  • There was a helluva lot of dancing, including our One Two Three Four performance on stage and the “Dance Off”,
  • There was a lot of laughter, fun and singing, almost all hindi/punjabi based. At one point the younger ones in the family decided to takeover by breaking into a very out of tune Bohemian Rhapsody!
  • There was a lot of Coffee, i managed to do a little Coffee Exploring in Penang and found some great places! 🙂
  • There was NYs at the Stratosphere, 
  • There was a lot of amazing food, I finally tried #nasiKandarTelekom!
  • I drove to Penang for the first time,
  • I recently got back to running, 
  • We made another ElmoDog video ;p
  • I finally finished Feast for Crows and Dance of Dragons!
  • I had a great, chilled out, 10 days with Nav & Rash (Nav & I decided it was way too long since out last Red Alert game)
  • Did i already mentioned there was, as usual, a lot of coffee? hahaha 
  • We failed to Break The Code in time, 
  • We are now getting into this Game of Thrones Card game,
  • Oh, and there was this amazing night of performance at China House! Say It Like You Mean It, #SILYMI, i think the next one is happening on the 21st weekend or something, be sure to check it out cause i had a great time in awe of all the talent. 
So yea, January was a very family month and it was great!
But now it’s time to Move Forward and get back to my Systems, especially back to my running and nutritions systems.
Time of get back to writing, i’ve taken a long enough hiatus and i’ve missed this.
Time of take the next step with regard to my love for coffee and my future plans.
For the next 60 days (till i get back to uni), my #1 priority is going to be to take my fitness to the next level, followed by getting back to writing and coffee. Anyway, I’ve made great progress over the last 6 months, moving from 2KM, 12 minute treadmill runs to my peak of 10KM in 50 minutes to my current 6KM in 30 minutes, and all-in-all losing 10KG but more importantly, feeling healthier than I’ve ever felt, especially since Fibro.
As John W. Gardner said, “Life is the art of drawing without an eraser” and I like what i’ve drawn up for January with all it’s mistakes, highlights & colour. I look forward to coming back here to #ArtisanCoffeeHQ in a month to review and admire my February drawing. 🙂  I expect to see more prominent fitness, health, writing & coffee accents, colours and shapes.
My next piece will be less summary and more thoughtful. 😉
Till then,
Keep Moving Forward
Arkay

#ArkayInTheUK: Day 5 Check-In.


IMG_5207

What’s crack-a-lacking people?

If you follow me on Instagram you would know that i’m in London and am doing quite a bit of exploring and walking about. I’ve made my way to this cozy little coffee place on Charles II Street called The Borough Barista after a good 2 and a half hour walk from Waterloo over the Waterloo bridge, walked down the Victoria Embankment, back over the other side via another bridge to the Jubilee Gardens and then back across the Westminster Bridge to Big Ben and the Parliament Square, where i bumped into good old Winston Churchill and later on Abe Lincoln; they weren’t in a very talkative mood though, oh well.

Image“Well done is better than well said.” Benjamin #franklin. Landed safe and sound, enjoying a Mocha at costa while waiting for the cab. Slept through most of the flight, immigration took 5 minutes & my bags came out pretty quick, so all in all, pretty good flight. #Day1 #ArkayInTheUK

Anyway, i then continued walking, even though my feet were in all sorts of pain, and made my way to the beautiful St. James Park, unfortunately i couldn’t spend as much time as i would have liked due to my howling feet and very empty stomach, so i continued walking until I saw this little sign saying “British Coffee” and I just had to take a look 😉 (note, i essentially had no idea where I was walking, i just went with the flow).

Image“Your daily behaviour reveals your deepest beliefs.” Robin #Sharma. So after being confined to my sisters house for a little over 3 hours I’m finally getting to explore Kingston. After more than an hour of walking around #kingston i’ve made it to the #LocalHero = #coffeetime ️ Kingston is a beautiful little town and I’m really enjoying my walking about .#Day1 #arkayintheuk

So yea, one good ham sandwich and Piccolo later i’m sitting here with Ivy (my MacBook) out rambling on about how I spent a lot of time walking about London toda…. wait wait… circular-spirally-thought path alert.

ImageHaving my first beer in #London with my sis  #Day1 #hellolondon2013 #arkayintheuk

Anyway, it’s now Day 5 of my trip, #ArkayInTheUK, and i’m thoroughly enjoying myself, despite the cold, the 4:30pm sunsets and aching, aching feet. Kingston is my primary base and a lovely little town at that. Spent the first 3 days exploring and walking about; didn’t find any good coffee but i found plenty to see 🙂 I finally made me way out of Kingston and into London yesterday, and i was not disspointed at all with my day. Lunch with my uncle and aunt, where i was force fed a lot of rice and chicken curry ;), was followed up by a 2+ hour walk from Bethnal Green to Covent Garden, which hurt a helluva lot, but which i have no regrets about.

Image#day2. Chilling at the park in the cold, watching families play in the park, people walk their dogs, kids playing football on a nice pitch one side and watching two local teams battle it out on this side as the last of beautiful leafs fall. Sometimes I can’t belief I’m actually here and fear that it’s all a dream & I’ll wake up.  Thank you so much for this mum & dad. #day2 #arkayintheuk #hellolondon2013.

During my 2+ hour walk, that went through Holburn, I saw the transition from Old London to Central, which was amazing, it was like a journey through time. My favourite part so far of London has been the parks and the architecture, the old grand building that I only say in movies growing up, and the fact that i’m actually here, looking at them with my own eyes, takes me way back and i find myself feeling like a little kid in awe of this big city. It is something that I partially cannot believe, half expecting to wake up and find myself back at home in bed.

IMG_4339#Day3:”The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy of life lies in having no goals to reach.” -Benjamin #Mays– Just sitting at this cafe, #pickeldpantry, sipping my flat white & observing the street & the people. Kingston is a really beautiful town, especially now with the autumn leafs . I just love walking around, getting lost and then opening up Maps to get me home 

This city is so old, so full of history and class, yet so vibrant and new at the same time.

IMG_4818A#Day4: I’m at a slight loss for words right now.. 3 floors of awesomeness apple stuff & more! So many third party things too!!! #london #coventgarden #hellolondon2013 #arkayintheuk #nofilter — at Apple Store.

I know it’s still early on in my trip, but I’m really really really loving it so far and am so excited because there’s still so much to do! So much that sometimes it feels a little overwhelming, but i guess that’s better than underwhelming, i’ve just got to plan it all out and i’ll be good :).

IMG_4851#Day4: “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” #gandhi.
I am certainly enjoying myself in London. Walked from #BethnalGreen to #CoventGarden, a good 2 hour 6.7km walk. It was amazing to see the transition from old London to the City to Covent, and walking thru all the parks, taking in the architecture. Felt like a kid 
Anyway, this pic was at 5pm at #coventgarden and I was thinking twice about having coffee because of how dark it was haha. Finally found a good latte. #day4  #london #arkayintheuk#hellolondon2013

I think i’ve rested up enough, going to get back on my feet, and like Johnnie, keep walking. Check out my instragam, @arkaysthoughts for more pics of my trip so far, and my walking paths.

Cherrio 😉

#KMF

 

2012 in review


The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 9,200 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 15 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Places I Have Been


Good Evening guys,

Today is Monday hence Monday’s Pick. Got this one in an email at the beginning of the month, just got to reading it. Quite clever and got a good laugh from some of the lines Enjoy.

 

Straight From the Heart

 

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there.

I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. I live close so it’s a short drive.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart!

At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not.

People keep telling me I’m in Denial, but I’m positive I’ve never been there before!

I have been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there.

I actually kind of enjoy it there.

So far, I haven’t been in Continent; but my travel agent says I’ll be going soon.

6 Songs that might Get you Motivated and Pumped


 

20120825-145318.jpg

Good Afternoon all, today’s piece is going to be very short. Had a very nice stay at Stay at One World Hotel, just checked out, and had a great time listening to brialliant jazz at No Black Tie last night and getting to know new people, slept at about 5am and got up at 10 for breakfasthome third favourite thing about staying at hotels. Now I’m at the Signature Starbucks in One Utama, spent the first hour here in quiet, having my holy hour and then another 30 minutes spent dreaming about life and my future; where I want it to go and all that jazz. Visualising my dreams in my head ( 30 minutes daily, alone with music that gets you dreaming or in quiet) has been helping me stay driven and helps me Keep Moving Forward.

20120825-145333.jpg
On that note of moving forward and keeping driven, here are 6 songs that I listen to that helps me get motivated and pumped when I need a boost or in any general circumstance. These songs may not appeal to you as they do to me, I take what I want from them and ignore the rest.

1. Eminem‘s Till I collapse.
The beginning of this song speaks volumes to me, I till get goose bumps when I listen to it, and I look back and see how far I’ve come and how much further I can still go. From thinking that I would never be able to not feel fatigued to a current state of daily exercise and energy. I’m so damn proud of my progress, and till the day I collapse I ain’t going to stop.

‘Cause sometimes you just feel tired,
Feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
And just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
And not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.

2. Eminem’s Lose Yourself.
Not many people like Eminem, but he has some brilliant songs above perseverance and fighting and all that. This was one of the first Eminem songs that I started listening to that made me realise how profound some of his lyrics are. This song reminds me that in life we’ve gotta take the chances and opportunities that pass us by. No one ever said life was going to be easy, but that doesn’t mean you should give up and not try, that you shouldn’t lose yourself in the music and go be that which you really want.

3. T.I. & Mary J Blige – Remember Me
Listening to this song reminds me of the fad that I want to leave a lasting legacy, who and what I want to be remembered as when I leave this world, that I want to make an impact. That I want to Make A Dent in the Universe as Steve Jobs put it.

4. T.I. & Rihanna’s Live Your Life
The title already speaks volumes and the chorus just reminds me to keep at my dreams, to keep being ambitious and that I should let the “Haters” get to me (not to be confused with constructive critiscm).

5. RDB & Ludacris‘s Shera Di Khom from Speedy Singhs.
Why?

Yeah we were always told growing up
We have to strive to be the best
Always strive to success and 2nd place is not an option
That’s what we were told
So no matter what came up in my life, I got through it
That was my motivation
Now nothing can stop us
We will never lose, never fear, overcome all and persevere
Be the best and we down to show it any place anything, we will overthrow it
We will never lose, never fear, overcome all and persevere
Be the best and we down to show it
– RDB

These lyrics always pick me up when I need a kick in the ass.

And:

At the top and I’ll never come down
Always stay focused super star bound
Always was the dopest, never got weak
Head to the sky but my ear to the street
Foot on the gas, hands on the wheel
Get on my lap coz I’m going for the kill
Drink for the nerves, smoke for the stress
But death to the haters and to hell with the rest
I don’t pay my dues, make my moves
Blow a hundred thousand, walk a day in my shoes
Long time coming, long time gone
10 years been but I’m 10 men strong
Never gave up, I just won’t lose
So many hits but I just won’t bruise
Rappers just dying n I put them out the misery
Its Ludacris and I came to make history
– Ludacris

6. Fort Minor‘s Remember the Name

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name!

I hope these songs help you the way they help me when I need a physical or mental pick me up.

Be sure not to overdose on them as they may lose their effectiveness, but don’t worry I’ll put a new list of 6 songs when that happens, or you could request a new 6 with a comment whenever).

Straight From The Heart

20120825-150542.jpg

20120825-150558.jpg

20120825-150606.jpg

20120825-150620.jpg

20120825-150650.jpg