“Sometimes you have to get off track to discover a better track.”  #RobinSharma #ArtisanCoffeeHQ


Hey guys, What’s up?

Just had my Artisan Coffee flat white while talking to Alan about coffee, practice, giving back and other general points of life; which got the brain turning a little and got me thinking about today’s QOTD, got me looking back at the detours over the last few years, when life went Off Track.

How life isn’t always smooth sailing and that the ideal route isn’t the only route.

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“Sometimes you have to get off track to discover a better track.” -Robin Sharma-

I can definitely say, with much confidence, that leaving MUWCI (UWCMC) in 2010 and then having to take an Intermission from Monash Malaysia in 2012 counts as going off track.

Were these detours off track (amongst others) truly leading me to discover a better track?

At this present moment in life I’m going to say yes, although each time felt like a win for Fibro and pushed me to feeling like a failure, especially in 2012….

Anyway, with failure always comes the option to either give in or fight. And so I picked myself up each time, though not necessarily immediately, and Kept Moving Forward.

This lead to learning, growing and maturing much along the way; in mind, body and soul (as corny as it sounds).

Priorities changed and I discovered more about myself.

This is nowhere near what the ‘me’ 7 years ago would’ve envisioned.

So, is this the better track?

 I’ll never really know the answer but i’m going to say Yes:

Yes because I’m happy now because of who I am and not what i have.

Yes because the person I was then was a whole lot more Materialistic, Egoistic, Judgemental and Superficial and only would’ve gotten worse if i never fell.

Yes because the last few years have helped me develop and discover my passions, things that I might not have had time if things had gone the other way.

Yes because only through the recent hurdles and challenges did I learn what was truly important to me. (after being brainwashed and saturated by the images of the media driven, American Dream-esk, mainstream visions of a happy and successful life)

In a nutshell, I’m happy with the person I have grown into today but know that I can improve and develop more, but at my own pace and by my own benchmarks.

Now the question is, was this path meant to be or did I just make best with the hand that life dealt me? 😉

Straight From The Heart,
KMF
Roshan ‘Arkay’ Kanesan

Coffee For One Part 2


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Coffee For One please 😉

Saturday 14/9/13

What’s crack-a-lacking guys?

I’m back here at #ArtisanHQ having a great Piccolo having some #QuietTime. I realize that i’ve been spending a lot more time alone this year, and i actually like it. I like being alone because more than just learning more about myself, during these times life is quiet.There’s no noise, no complications, no mess.

In isolation things are clean and simple.

I don’t feel like my mind is being suffocated.

I don’t feel distracted.

I don’t feel like my thoughts are being drowned out by the mess that surrounds me.

I don’t feel like people are demanding too much out of me.

This is quite the 180 degree change because I used to be the type of person that always needed to have people around me. A person whose happiness depended on the availability of other people. A person who wasn’t comfortable being alone with himself. Well, not as much anymore. This year i’ve learnt to appreciate the brilliance and incredible benefit that comes with spending time alone on the regular.

It’s in this Quiet that I feel at Peace.

Peace from Life,
and the it’s complications and mess.

Peace from Society,
and the noise of too many voices.

Peace from Fibro,
and the daily struggle to live.

It’s during these times spent alone that life seems to be in… Harmony, even if just for an hour, it makes such a big difference to me. Having my quiet time at Artisan or Flat White provides me the incredibly vital time to stabilise and ground myself. A time of “maintenance”, a time which helps me clarify and process the hundreds of stimuli and factors that surround me daily.

I guess i just want people to understand that coming to Artisan or Flat White (or Coffea) isn’t just about the coffee, the coffee is great, but more importantly, it’s a place in which i’m protected and sheltered from the outside world

The world is a messy place, and even more of a mess when you have Fibromyalgia. Constant pain, sensitive nerves (to stimuli like lights and sounds too) and almost always so tired… combined that with a brain that doesn’t work as efficiently as it should and i’ve got a situation in which i’m unable to process all these details appropriately so it all just ends up as a mess in my mind.

So it gets very very difficult to have to deal with the normal suff in life…. the regular things like academic pressures, getting stuff done traffic and especially dealing with people… i.e. family and friends. (I love them to bits but sometimes it gets very hard for me to deal with the mess that comes naturally)

Think of it as a highly popular airport where the Tower isn’t responding well (probably because of bad maintenance hence major system failures) to the demands of the hundreds of inbound & outbound flights. What would happen then?
Things would be messed up as ****.

Planes wouldn’t be able to take off causing inbound planes to keep circling over head because they can’t land, leading an incredible mess of planes on the runway and in the skies = problem… Someone’s got to come in and cancel all outbound flights, instruct planes that can, to fly to other airports and then manage what’s left. This scenario would probably describe a Level 6/7 day for me. So what is a Level 9/10? The same situation but this time at near 0 visibility with a major storm. #fun

So, back to my point, coming to my favourite coffee place to enjoy a good coffee with appropriate music in solitude is when i run maintenance on myself and clear out some of the mess within so that i don’t reach a Level 10 meltdown. I’ve realized that my major Meltdowns come during periods where i don’t do any writing = i haven’t been spending time alone. I find that with my regular QuietTimes, i’m doing less frantic running around to put out fires and get more things done because my head is much clearer in comparison to other times without “maintenance”.

I would just like to say that i’m not saying i want to be a Nomad and live on my own and not deal with people, but i’ll probably be spending more time alone just to protect myself, i find it one of the best ways to deal with fibro and keep myself sane in all this mess that i deal with on a daily basis.

Powered by Artisan’s Piccolo (sponsored by my dear mother <3)
Tech Support by my 3rd Gen iPad, Bluetooth Logitech keyboard & my iPhone 5.
Tunes provided by Spotify Premium.

Keep Moving Forward
Roshan Kanesan

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Why Do I Write?


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Good evening guys, i know it’s been a while, still learning how to cope with all the elements in my life, the old and the new.

I’m here at Artisan Roast PJ, having a delicious Flat White to get my writing juices flowing.

So, Why do i write?

It was recently brought to my attention that my writing isn’t always in line with my actions. and yes, there is truth to that statement, but the thing is, that isn’t what my writing is about.

It isn’t about what i have achieved but more about the journey, more about aiming to achieve the best that I can, taking into account all the ups and downs. That’s why i even try to write on some Bad Days, because I don’t only want to be seen, or read, during my good days, but also during the bad ones.

My writing
is not just a way of expressing myself as i am, but a way of expressing the way I aim to live, it’s kind of me talking to myself, about the standards I aim to achieve for myself. It isn’t just about the progress and good things about me, but also about the falls, stumbles and crashes, to emphasise & remind everyone that we’re all human.

In my writing,

I make it a general point not to use “you” in my writing, so as to not to direct my points at the reader and point a finger at them and say that “you’re not living the right way, let me show you how.”

No.

That’s not what I do.

That’s not what i believe in.

Everyone has a right to live life the way that works for them, so if my ways and thoughts on life work for you, then great, otherwise just carry on doing your own thing. (so long as you’re not hurting people & causing some major havok, #justsaying)

I’m not here to preach.
I do not believe that there is one right way of living.
I’m still finding my way, and i welcome anyone who wants to join me.

And that leads to my emphasis on using “we”.

Simply put, i want to connect with all of you, my readers, so that those of you who want to, can feel included as you read, and join me in all this if you wish.

What I write is my personal opinion based on my life, my thoughts, my learnings & my experiences, they don’t necessarily apply to you,

but,

if you feel that you like my writings and they do appeal to you, then please join me in the aspects of life that I want to improve and change.

For example, my communication etiquette, to be specific, my phone habits. I was once told that i was being a hypocrite, that I didn’t apply what i was writing, as i mentioned above.

Sure, my phone habits are anything but perfect, I stray, but I have been making an effort to improve my communication etiquette and I do see results. My etiquette over the last 6 months has definitely improved, yes there is still plenty of room for improvement, but the fact is that I Am Moving Forward.

In this respect it is very important to understand the context of my writing, as mentioned above, a big part of it is about expressing the standards of living that i aim to live by. Therefore, in this context, it’s very important for me to ensure that i’m making progress, overall.

And if we compare it to last year, i’ve made a lot of Overall Progress.

Now what do i mean by “Overal Progress”.

I’ll leave that for next week 🙂

Sorry again for another long hiatus,

Straight From The Heart

Roshan ‘Arkay’ Kanesan

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The Ideal Route isn’t the Only Route


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Good afternoon dear readers 🙂

Today’s post is a later then the last 4 Note’s on Life simply because i’ve been feeling rather stuck, cluttered and sluggish since Monday, in fact I’m still not entirely sure what i’m going to write about today…

i’m still quite stuck…

I’ve actually had a pretty decent run over the last 4 weeks, 6 pieces out, 5 of which were pretty good and got a good reception and one that i’m incredibly proud of, one that became my most viewed piece within a 24 hour period and 48 hour period.

So i guess the timing is quite apt for some disruption in my writing life.
I’ve been feeling quite fatigued over the week, but the interesting thing is that for most of it, my mind didn’t feel all that affected, it still felt quite sharp, no Fog (or nothing too big of a concern) set in, which I’m going to take as a sign of Long-Term Progress 🙂 haha However,as for Short-Term progress, I didn’t really do anything productive, my morning protocol fell apart due to my body’s refusal to get up on time and as such there was no daily brainstorm session to work on my writing… oh well, nothing really to fret about, not like this hasn’t happened before.

Ah, i think i’ve got a topic for today…

People get stuck, it happens, to all of us.

But getting stuck isn’t a sign of failure, it’s just part and parcel of the journey. Sometimes as a signal that we need a break and sometimes to signal to us that maybe the route we’re currently using isn’t right or suitable or enough.

Essentially, it’s quite relatable to last weeks post, it’s about not losing faith in our capability to be able to achieve what we want. There is more than one way to get to where each of us want to go, some may take you a little longer and some may be a little more difficult.

Just because the ideal way is blocked off doesn’t mean it’s game over, it’s really about how much we want it and what we are willing to do, about whether we’re looking at the Short Term or the Long Term, about how much it’s worth to us.

In this area i draw some inspiration from Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, the duo went from Seatle to International without a Label, that’s really quite a feat.

“The greats weren’t great because at birth they could paint. The great were great cause the paint a lot” – Macklemore – Song: Ten Thousand Hours

Life isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon, it isn’t a battle but a war.

We’ve got to remember that the Ideal Route isn’t the Only Route.

On that note, i’m going to talk a little about myself.

My journey over the last few years has been quite an interesting one. Done with SPM (Grade 10 Government Exams, O-Levels) at the end of 2007, i spent the next 9 months on break awaiting the next part of my life, MUWCI – the Mahindra United World College of India. I was supposed to complete the 24 month IB Diploma Program but instead only spent 18 months there, with plenty of days at the Medical Centre with 4 trips home in 2009 where the norm would have been 2; trip 1 for a ENT surgery for a blockage we thought was the reason for my bad sleep and fatigue, trip 2 for summer, trip 3 was when my parents had enough of the idiocity of the MUWCI doctor and brought me home to get our good old Malaysian doctors to hunt down the culprit of my health problems, and they found it, Mycoplasma Pneumonia, and trip 4 for Winter break, the trip home in which i was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and the decision was made by my parents, doctors and, eventually, I to leave MUWCI. I went back to MUWCI for a month, celebrated my 19th Birthday there and left a few days later. Resting at home till June, i joined Taylor’s Canadian Pre-University Program (CPU) and graduated a year later, not without many health hurdles (it was after my first semester, February 2011, when i was officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia) which i managed to get through thanks to great support of the staff, admin and teachers at CPU. They were incredibly understanding of my condition. After CPU I finally went to university, I joined Monash University Sunway Campus and had a relatively good semester there and did really well in my finals, but it was after my finals that it all wet to hell. I decided to join summer school to occupy myself, but during the month after my finals i got more tired and more clouded, i didn’t understand what was happening in class and after a while i knew i couldn’t finish it, it was just a huge mess. I wanted to withdraw but i couldn’t do so without failing the subject… It was a very stressful, tiring and depressing time, this was the period of time that i referred to in last weeks post, when i thought about Giving Up. With some good advice from the course office i deferred my summer school examination, took an intermission from Monash and filled an appeal with regards to my Summer School unit, which Monash eventually gave me. They gave me the Withdrawn Incomplete i wanted and told me i could take the unit fresh, which i’m doing now. It was this time when i went from depression to writing to my eventual revival of spirit. I think it was April 2012 when i really started writing. I got back to studying at Monash for Semester 2, 2012 enrolled in 2 units and passed on unit and got a Distinction in the other. And now, this semester, officially my 3rd semester, i’m enrolled in 3 units and things are going relatively smoothly.

Those were my routes from 2008 to now, anything but Ideal and for from the worst routes either. I learnt a lot and i suffered a lot, but importantly, I gained substantial insight into myself. I’m now more clear about what i really want. I’m now more focused on writing now, dropping Accounting as a major and going with Finance and Marketing and am going to look for a more writing based internship for my year end break.

Like i said, my routes have been anything but ideal. 🙂 and i’m not the only one who personally knows that.

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter.
Try again. Fail again. Fail better” – Samuel Beckett

One more thing: When the ideal route isn’t available to us, we must first analyse the situation, look for as many alternatives and then, most importantly, attempt to calculate the Opportunity Cost, not just in monetary terms, but in overall terms, and then decide what to do. Don’t jump the gun and use the first alternative route found. Yes we must be Persistent and Determined, but we’ve also got to be Patient.

Another thing: Not everything is worth our time. Focus on what matters and Fight for that. We’ve got to know what were fighting for if we want to win, because if we don’t know what we’re fighting for, then why are we fighting?

Anyway, i hope that my writing was relatively clear, I know this is far from my best and I apologise. I contemplated not writing something today after recent standards, but that’s not how i work. My writing is also a reflection of what it’s like to be human. That there is no Perfection, and that we can’t always perform at our Peak or at Excellence. I don’t want to show you only my best sides, because my best sides aren’t me, they aren’t the whole story; and i really don’t like one sided tales. This piece is far from my best, but it’s part of my journey and a part of my development.

Straight From The Heart

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Hggggg

Being Busy Being Busy @CoffeaCoffeeMY


Busy Being Busy.jpgGood evening Ladies and Gents,

I’m back at Coffea today, with a Madonna Flat White next to me, my iPad in front of me and my thoughts bouncing around in my head.

Today’s posts is later than usual because my morning was a little difficult, had the worst morning to date for the year; pain, disorientation, stiffness, the works. My Fibro was not kind to me this morning, still feeling the effects now, especially Head wise, my head’s feeling foggy and really heavy, but that wasn’t going to stop me from posting today, though if my pain, muscle ache and stiffness didn’t get better i would have stayed at home and taken the ‘Day Off‘.

Anyway, on to today’s post.

“Being Busy Being Busy” Robin Sharma

“In the corporate world, I had been so busy being busy, I never had time to think about life. And yet reflection and contemplation are among the most important of all business skills. I’ve since realised that in this informations-led world we live in, ideas are the commodity of success and the most effective people are the most effective thinkers”
– Leadership Wisdom from the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari – The 8 Rituals of the Best Leaders by Robin Sharma –

As i mentioned earlier this week, or the end of last, i started reading again, and this quote popped right out at me, it describes quite accurately how i feel about this subject.

Generally, we are just too busy nowadays. Running around doing all sorts of things. And a lot just for the sake of doing something to help us feel like we’re not wasting our time.

At one point last year i used to think that being busy meant that i was being productive. I used to plan out my days so that they were filled with ‘things to do’ and once the day was done i wouldn’t feel like the day was wasted.

Then one day, i read something by Robin Sharma, not the quote above, in which he mentioned Being Busy Being Busy which shattered the illusion in which i was living in.

I thought back to some of those “productive” days that i had and really thought about them.

1. What did i achieve that day?
2. What did i really do?
3. Did i really do anything productive or really get anything done?
4. Did i stretched a task just so that I would use up more time?
5. How much of that time did i spend hanging out?

I realised coming home tired some how signalled to me that i had a busy day, which then signalled that it was a productive day, but now it’s a little different.

I realised that much of the time I was also busy being Distracted. Focus and a sense of direction was lacking.

Now before i go on, let me elaborate a little about my view on Productivity. Productivity isn’t the same thing for everyone, it’s all down to our own Personal Productivity.

Here’s an excerpt from me previous piece.

Personal productivity is getting things done that are important to you, that will help get you closer to where you want to be. It’s about not wasting your time, potential and life. Not all things that are considered productive may be productive to you, hence the importance of personal productivity. Look at reading, most people consider it a productive way to spend time, but I really don’t think that is true. Reading for entertainment is not generally productive, it’s entertainment and too much of it is a waste of time. Of course reading is the most productive of the entertainment mediums but if you want to be productive, there Erne other more effective ways. If you want to go into business, then read the biographies of great businessmen, “have a cup of tea with them”. Do not let the common perception of reading make it seem that all books are productive, plenty of them aren’t, especially now days. – Roshan ‘Arkay’ Kanesan

Being Busy is not necessarily Being Productive.

“Let’s stop glorifying over-work, and start congratulating smart work. The truly brilliant people in the world are those that elegantly balance a heavy-workload and the rest of their life. They’re also the most satisfied.

This industry is a race, but it’s not a sprint. It’s a marathon, one that I hope to be running for a very long time.” – Andrew Dumont

A good way to feel like the day hasn’t been wasted it to set daily goals. These goals are much better gauges of how productive a day has been. It’s not about how much time you spend doing it but about getting the result that’s in Alignment with the your Grand Scheme of Things (unless of course you’re goal is a specific time related goal – read 1 hour).

Focus on what matters to you, whether you want to be a footballer, business tycoon, a parent, or whether it is to live a healthy life, fun life,etc . Know what you want and make sure most of your actions are in line. Why do I say most? Well because we’ve got to have time to kick back and do others things so that life don’t become stale and monotonous. Anyway, in order to really know what you should be doing, you have to be aware of what you want, you need to achieve clarity of your desires. And that requires of lot of thinking and personal time. Only you can know what you truly want, what your goals, dreams and ambitions are. Of course there’s no harm “consulting” others for advice,either be conversing or reading about the people you respect, what I like to refer to as mentors. They will help provide additional knowledge, guidance and wisdom to help you achieve Clarity and Awareness. But REMEMBER, that doesn’t mean you need to follow them exactly and become a copy of them. Learn from them, don’t copy them. There are plenty of productivity sites with plenty of tips, you have to be able to see what you need and what will work and not try everything and anything you can read. Find a set that works for you’d and follow through on them and once you’re comfortable and consistent, then maybe you want to add-on and modify your current Personal Productivity M.O. The foundation of all this is knowing YOUR goals, dreams and ambitions. Only then will you when you are wasting time and when you are making the best use of it – Roshan ‘Arkay’ Kanesan

I’ve been incorporating this into my life nowadays, (though not all because i do have my Days Off and then there are days that the Fibromyalgia messes up my morning which makes my day a little more difficult – like today) and find that i feel way more satisfied with myself after a day of completed daily goals or even 80% completed daily goals because it’s all so much clearer to me.

I find that when i follow these things, i’m more satisfied with my days and weeks because i’m not just trying to fill up time. I guess you could relate it to Working Smart. I find that i don’t feel guilty about watching more TV or hanging out, if i find myself regularly completing my daily goals.

This concept of using daily goals also ties in to the concept of building momentum through Small Daily Improvements and Making Today Better Than Yesterday.

The best way to get started is to take sometime to think about how the last day and then the last week has been. Did it feel productive? Was the busyness of it all proportional to what was achieved? Do you feel satisfied?

Then get to making daily goals first thing in the morning, or better yet the night before before going to bed.

Now daily goals are just the beginning, in order to ensure that your more productive days are tying in to the Grand Scheme of Things. Scale things up by having:

1. Weekly Goals

2. Monthly Goals

3. Quarterly Goals

4. Annual Goals

5. 5 Year Goals

6. So on. (10 year, 15 year….)

This is a system that builds on each other, so we need to make sure the foundation and ground work is strong, you need to take the time to think.

The shorter term goals feed into the longer term goals and ensure that you are in line with your dreams. Keep in mind Personal Productivity.

So with something as simple as daily goals, what we are doing is breaking down the steps to achieve the Bigger Goals that will lead to our dreams.
I cannot emphasise how important it is to attain Clarity which requires us to take the time to think, to reflect.

Have great dreams but have simple, one-step-at-a-time goals to help you reach your dreams. Dreams are what you want, goals define and break down the steps to help you get there.

Sidenote: Before i sign off, i’d like to apologise if the writing seems messy and not as organised as the weeks before, Fibro made my mind feel messy & cluttered this week, especially today. I will work on making sure that next Friday’s post is more organised and clear.

Please do let me know what you think.

Straight From The Heart

Roshan ‘Arkay’ Kanesan

Notes on Q1 & Q2, Goals & Guidelines


Good Afternoon readers,

It’s feeling like quite the zoned out and blur day for me today, quite tired and all that jazz. Head’s feeling really fogged up. Hoping that my Costa Rica Tarrazu at Coffea will help clear things up 🙂 i’m having black coffee today, which is a first, and i have to say, it’s pretty good actually.

Anyway, it’s now the 4th of April, which means that we’re 4 days into the 2nd quarter of 2013.
It’s time to look back over the last 3 months and see how things stand.

Over the last 3 months i’ve done quite a bit of travelling (Macau, Kuala Terengganu, Penang, Perth), watched SHM, had quite an awesome Birthday week, got back to classes and made better friends at Monash, read quite a bit (Clash of Kings, Storm of Swords), got back to writing, started journaling again, got the ball rolling on waking up early & exercise and of course dealing with Round 1 2013.

Essentially it’s been a quarter of small daily improvements, a quarter of repairing the foundation and of moving forward and learning. I’m fairing much better with Round 1 2013 as compared to Round 1 2012, which is good. I’ve gained a better understanding of Fibromyalgia and am making a point to spread that awareness. So that other people understand and so that i don’t forget.

As for goals, i can say that i’ve missed quite. I made my goals not accounting for setbacks and well, life in general haha.

But that doesn’t mean i’m not going to set goals for Q2, however this time i’ll take what i’ve learnt from Q1 and use that to calibrate Q2 goals; Health, Academic, Personal Development, Social & Finances.

Q2 Goals & Guidelines include:
1) a book a week
2) 3 posts a week
3) wake up at 6am 4 times a week
4) morning exercise 5 times a week
5) Study lecture content before hand.
6) not going out after 7pm & sleep by 10pm – Sunday to Wednesday.
7) 1 vegetarian meal a day
8) journal during Holy Hour (which means daily)
9) 2 road trips
10) Cut monthly expenses (includes: transport, food, coffee, phone bills, etc) to 700.

Going to work on the Q2 Goals & Guidelines a little more, but the 10 above are the core elements.

Have you thoughts about how your last quarter has gone? Have you thought about how you want the next quarter to go?

Get cracking on your goals.

Start small and simple and build on that. Set some goals for the week and simple daily goals that will help you achieve the weekly goals. Always break things down into smaller manageable steps.

They all feed into each other.

Daily Goals build up to Weekly goals that build up to Monthly goals -> Quarterly goals -> Yearly goals -> 5 years -> 10 years

With goals and guidelines you build an awareness on what’s important, and that will be the difference.

By getting clear on what you want out of life, you heighten your awareness around what’s most important. With better awareness comes better choices. And with better choices you’ll see better results. Clarity breeds success.
Robin Sharma

I leave you with that to think about,

Straight From The Heart

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Detours & Adapting. RIP Old Me


Good morning readers,

i’ve been having a few off days, but coping with all the nonsense that’s been coming my way. Progress is happening.

So I’m back at Starbucks Monash with my mocha and my thoughts.

So let’s talk about life.

People change as life progresses, we hope for the better, but sometimes it’s for the worse. We change to adapt, to move forward and to survive. As much as i’ve adapted to Living with Fibromyalgia, i’ve been making one big fat mistake…

I’m holding myself to standards i set out when I was 18. Standards set after leaving school on quite the high: Head Prefect, the President’s Award, Great SPM results and acceptance into a UWC.

All during a time when i had no clue what Fibromyalgia was. And what it would eventually mean for me…

That was the Old Me, and I need to accept the fact that the Old Me is dead. I cannot expect myself to live up to standards of then, it’s just unrealistic and will do me more harm than good; physically, mentally & emotionally. I’m not saying that i’m going to stop dreaming, but i am definitely going to need to be less harsh and more patient with myself.

I need to accept

that it’ll take me longer to achieve my goals than it would be for a regular person

that my health is the undisputed #1 priority in my life

that my potential isn’t as great as it would have been when i was 18

but that doesn’t mean

that i wont reach my goals

that i can’t focus on other parts of my life

that I won’t do great things.

It just means that

I need to allocate resources better

I need Take care of myself

I need to look for different paths, ways and options.

The death of the Old Me by Fibromyalgia doesn’t mean in any way that my life is over,

it just means that things are different

and whoever said it was for the worse?

Straight From The Heart

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Arkay’s Room #1: Round 1, 2013. Fight.


I’ve been fighting for some time now, and one thing i’ve learnt is that no matter how good things can get, there will be a time when it comes back for me. Through all this it has taught me a few things but most importantly, like all the other hurdles in my life, it’s made me stronger and made me aware of something:

“The toughest fights I’ve ever been in are with no one else but myself, because once i win that fight, everything else is only a matter of time.”

This week has been bittersweet, sweet because it’s been fun and there has been some improvement in productivity; bitter because while i wasn’t looking Round 1, 2013 (my first difficult spell with FMS this year) started, and i wasn’t as prepared as I would have liked to have been. I don’t know how i didn’t see this coming, i pushed myself harder than i should have over the first few days of the week and should have seen this coming when the my symptoms Spiked on Tuesday. How did i miss it? maybe i thought Tuesday was a one off thing, maybe i pulled a page out of the beginning of last year and ignored it, maybe i got arrogant and didn’t think it could hurt me this time. I think that’s the one, I got arrogant.

Arrogance cost me a lot a year ago, at least this time around i’m more aware and won’t let it get as far as it did then.

The pains, stiffness, aches & fatigue got mildly worse as the week proressed but yesterday… yesterday things escalated during the course of the day. The morning was ok but by evening my nerve sensitivity was quite high, a few of my trigger points were constantly hurting, my muscles were aching ,every step i took hurt and the Fog was looming. It was enough to release something that i have kept at bay for a very long time, the key to worst days of my fibromyalgia to date; Doubt. In pain, clouded and fatigued, it was Belief that kept me going, Belief in me.

Yesterday i found myself in a situation where my Doubt went straight for the jugular, it made my mind a mess. Started questions that didn’t need to be brought up, bringing out emotions that didn’t need to resurface and just causing a whole load of noise and static, it got messy. Belief is all that stands between where i am now and giving up entirely, and yesterday was only the beginning, it always is. It’s very difficult to keep the Belief going during times when I’m physically weakened by pain and fatigue with my mind being Clouded. I would find myself feeling all the confidence in the world one second and then have it all go to hell in a heartbeat and have it like that for 5 times the length of the confidence.

Round 1 is still on going and only i can win this for myself support is only support, it helps but only i can do what needs to be done, think what needs to be thought and Keep Moving Forward. I’m still in pain right now, a pat on the back hurts as thought someone slapped me there and my thoughts seem to be slower and get lost more often. Right now things seem a darker, my coffee doesn’t taste as good and I’m so very tired, i’m tired down to my bones, maybe even on a cellular level.

Sounds bad doesn’t it.

However there is a silver lining, before my revival last year things were a 100 times worse; there were days i didn’t want to get out of bed because the pains, aches, and stiffness; my FibroFog came to a point where my mind was so cluttered and clouded that thoughts would take a minute of two to surface; i wanted to give up entirely, but i didn’t.

The Doubt is strong now, that is true, and my Belief is currently shaken, but last years Big Win made it so that my Belief will not reach Round 1, 2012 lows again (i hope), and that is giving me the fuel i need to keep my Belief going as I brace this storm. That was one of the darkest & toughest times i’ve had to face and i beat it, and if i could beat that, i’ll beat this…

it’s just a matter of time.

Straight From The Heart

 

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What You Achieve is as Important as Who You Become @CoffeaCoffeeMY


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Good Morning guys,

it’s been a pretty good morning for me so far, got up bright and early (and by bright i mean that my fibro wasn’t much of a problem, fog was like 3/10, stiffness was 4/10, pain 2/10) and got on to my journaling during my Holy Hour followed by a very good jog. That was a little an hour ago.

Now I’m at my Current Fav Coffee Spot, Coffea Coffee accompanied by a fine looking , and tasting, Maestro Flat White, though i’ve now decided that i’m more in favour of the Madonna.

So today,

I’m going to take a look at the Henry David Thoreau quote that i came upon last week:

“What you get by achieving your goals is as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

The minute i saw this quote i knew i had to write something about it. It’s something that so many of us (myself as well) forget to think about. Now we’ve all got goals and dreams, whether you know it or not.

Some work hard to chase them,
Some work smart,
Some work tirelessly,
Some work in spurts,
And most of us use many of the various combination that can be formed

then there are those who

Pray but don’t believe
Wish but don’t act
Dream but don’t plan

Which I am going to call the Wishful Thinker, not to be confused with The Optimist or The Dreamer. A Wishful Thinker is someone who wants things to happen, dream to come true without lifting a finger.

Now to the point at hand,

The many of us goal chasers will encounter challenges, defeat and pain along the way to the finish line, now something else to keep i mind as you fight to Make It (achieve your goals, get what you wanted, reach the finish line) is who you are changing along the way, are you being Built Up, in which you get rid of the Unwanted Fat (character traits or elements in your life that aren’t exactly good, positive, productive, encouraging etc) or are you being Taken Apart (in which you find that you are losing the best parts of what makes You). It is so important to keep an eye on this, it’s all good if you’re being Built Up, that’s the best way to Keep Moving Forward, but if you find that you’re being Taken Apart, well then something needs to be done.

Do you really want to Make It but then be:
somebody that you’re friends don’t know?
or worse,
someone that you’re inner circle does’t recognise?
or worst of all,
someone that doesn’t know you they’re looking in the mirror?

To have lost the person that made those very goals in the war you fought to get here?

Achievement and Success is all great but it’s who you are that’s most important,
not what you are,
not where you are,
not how much money you have,
nor the car you drive,
how big your house is,
or
how hot your spouse is.

The ultimate goal in life is to be Happy, Pay it Forward & Live –

in a way that is in line with who you are and not try to fit in to what is deemed “normal”. Not only does normal not really exist, it’s contradicting the very nature of Us, we are all different so stop trying to be like everyone else.

Embrace who you are and work from there, don’t lose the parts that make you You. Make sure that when you Make It, You are more than You were, not less.

Ensure that as you Live and move towards your goals, you’re being Built Up and not Taken Apart. It’s not as easy as it sounds but it’ll be worth it.

Hope i got my point across,

if you liked my post and/or writing please let me know by any or all of the following:

commenting below

rating it (the scale is at the top of the post)

sharing it with your friends on Facebook

sharing it with your followers on Twitter.

I’d appreciate any and all of it.
Thank you in advance!

Straight From The Heart

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Dream Big But Start Small @ CoffeaCoffeeMY, Bangsar


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Good morning guys, it’s looking gloomy here in Bangsar, hopefully the day doesn’t remain this way, but even if it does, well at least it’ll be a cool day, yesterday was quite hot. I’m sitting here at my current Fav Coffee Spot, Coffea Coffee enjoying the lovely Madonna FlatWhite that they have prepared for me. The day has started of pretty well, lets hope the feeling can continue to resonate through the day.

Today I would like to focus on the topic of Dream Big but Start Small, something I got from one of Robin Sharma’s materials.

Life isn’t about skipping steps or having to rush (which is unfortunately what a lot of us seem to be doing, rushing through life), it’s about continuous improvement, or at least it is to me. There are steps that can be taken to reach a dream, the steps just adjust to the decree of the Dream, and as such steps can get more difficult as you go forward. The key however, is to continuously break the steps down as you move forward, while still keeping an eye on the Big Dream. There’s nothing wrong with dreaming big, everyone who Made-It, started somewhere, they didn’t just get to where they are now in a flash of light. They didn’t wait around and wish for things to happen either, they went out and happen to things, they broke things down and made long-term goals and took the steps necessary. All lasting success is build upon the foundation of long-term planning, starting small, building momentum and patience (I talked about patience in my last blog post).

Now the most important thing about starting small is that you actually get started, the broken-down steps make it so that the dream doesn’t look daunting or intimidating, it looks achievable. As you keep on going, you will find that it will in fact get easier, or if not you have more energy and enthusiasm to face the world, this is simply because as you Keep Moving Forward, taking down one step or mini-step or even micro-step, you will build up Momentum, and the this further helps to propel you forward, as I’m sure you have experienced before.

Now the thing about momentum is that life will throw a Wrench in the works and send you back to Momentum Zero (the point where there is no momentum whether because you are starting new or because of the Wrench) and you’ll have to rebuild the momentum again and though you might feel frustrated (or angry or upset etc), Brace The Storm, don’t lose hope and don’t give up. Build the momentum again, get to Peak Momentum and when the Wrench comes at you again and you find yourself at Momentum Zero, do the before mentioned again. Keep repeating this and, as with all things, you will find that the time from Momentum Zero to Peak Momentum will shorten with every repetition, but only if you focus and don’t give up that is. You’ll grow tougher and lengthen your Peak Momentum Life as you will have learnt to deal with previous Wrenches and as such, it would now take bigger Wrenches to sway you off course.

This is not something that will come to you automatically, you have to be conscious and aware of this, keep a Momentum Record if you think it will help, so that you can see how your momentum is doing, what your Peak Momentum Life is and how it has either grown or diminished. This is not a straightforward process, but it will be worth it. Focus, Be Conscious & Keep Moving Forward.

Straight From The Heart

Other Related Posts:
1) Getting to Greatness without Burning Out

2) Small daily improvements lead to stunning results

3) Keeping The Momentum

4) Better Than Yesterday, Always